Just a few updates about life as a co-wife. When I wrote about my co-wife before she lived in her ancestral village and now she lives in the same city as me. This has improved life immeansely. We tend to be on better terms and fight way less because fights always always always happen because of miscommuncation or Shaytaan whispering over the distance of what one doesn't know but imagines. Being closer to one another, visiting eachother's houses, lessens the space to imagine injustice ect.. Now, though I wouldn't have figured it, the two of us like to take lunch together as a family on some days [and I love that she cooks and I don't have to even when it is my day with husband because I HATE cooking sometimes hehehe], and we take the kids to the park. Anything family orientated we like to do together, and we're friends. We like to talk about stuff, and it's nice you know? I think it is only awkward for our husband because he doesn't know how to act since he has two cultures in two different homes, and when we mix all together he doesn't know which culture to speak to us with. Omanis don't say 'please' or 'thank you' to loved ones for example, whereas, for Canadians, this is an absolute must or I ignore him for being rude.
Being closer also means emergancies are easier to deal with. Plumbing explodes? Husband can come and co-wife is okay. Her car gets a flat (and God forbid an Arab woman knows how to put air into her own tires lol) and I am ok. Kids also are happier, because their "Baba" sees them more. He doesn't spend his time driving back and forth. For this reason we are actually looking to move. To move into the same house or two houses facing the same lot (but with split and seperate levels). Which is what I always wanted (but co-wife's family previously objected to) and is the Sunnah anyways. That way husband can come every night to either wife for 15 minutes or so to make sure she's ok, has everything she needs, and kids can come anytime they need something from their father, you know. My husband spending enough time with my co-wife's kids is important. They need a father-figure, especially since there are two boys!
Also, something major for us, is my husband is looking to adopt. In Oman alot of children get abandoned. Usually these babies are left in Masjids, or at centers, by parents who probably concieved the children without being married. Many parents believe, due to the stigma attached to a person who committs this sin in Omani culture, that their children are better growing up without "a whore" as a mother. Most of the children are never adopted and grow up only with volunteer "mothers" at centers, and have no father beyond the state of the Sultanate. My husband (and I) strongly believe that the purposes of polygamy is to take care of orphans, widows, and divorcees. Also, he dislikes that Omani married couples who cannot concieve are pressured into polygamy by inlaws, instead of fostering an orphan, since polygany in the sunnah was never for the purpose of the husband getting more children from his own means. We have a few couples like this in our "tribe" [lol that still sounds funny to me] and sadly, they feel alienated by the desire for children, but that the only acceptable means to this culturally is polygamy when the wife is barren. These young couples would be much better suited to fostering, which is why my husband would like to set an example in the tribe for this since no one else really will. The stigma of "zinna" babies, alothough Islam preaches no inheritence of the sins of one's forefathers, is rampant. So we are currently looking into that. Though I am not a highly maternal woman in the slightest, and that, along with the conditions set by the state regarding adoption, are things we are looking into. Sometimes one baby is enough for me. OK, so most of the time.So who knows what the future will bring. That's all the updates about us all for now.