tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post2385302924646507309..comments2024-03-21T08:47:42.815-07:00Comments on Beautiful Muslimah: Polygyny Guide for Muslims from Pixie's Perspective: the good, the bad, and the uglyPixiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08451049563167761015noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-57644027099122341632012-04-08T10:28:40.797-07:002012-04-08T10:28:40.797-07:00naj- assalamualaikum, masha allah, i really liked ...naj- assalamualaikum, masha allah, i really liked ur post. i had rather a bad perception towards a man having more than one wife. but after reading ur article i have bcome more broad minded with the subject:)thnxfatimahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14266625383965713380noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-23545187597550065182011-06-13T01:58:38.993-07:002011-06-13T01:58:38.993-07:00Assalamu aleikum dear Pixi.
I really loved readin...Assalamu aleikum dear Pixi.<br /><br />I really loved reading your blog about polygny in islam and your own experience.<br /><br />I just recently got a co-wife. Only Three weeks ago, al hamdolillah. I am very satisfied with my co-wife and she is a very dear siter to me. In fact we have been close friends for about one year now.<br /><br />I never imagined that my husband would remarry, and when I came to islam I had a hard time to accept this, but slowly Allah has made it more easy for me, al hamdolilah.<br /><br />I have been a muslim for almost 7 years, al hamdolillah. <br /><br />I really relate to what you wrote about your own experience with poligny. I reconize some of the things from my own experience.<br /><br />I was stribing to be a 100% wife all the time and found it hard too spend so much time figuring what to make for my husband to eat or trying to be the best wife in all the ways imagineable the whole time.<br /><br />Sometimes I would feel like a was married to two men in one! Subhan Allah! (lol)<br /><br />I have started to enjoy having more time for myself, al hamdolillah, not worrying about what to make for dinner (on her days), or cleaning the house before my husband get home. I relax on the sofa drinking tea or treating myself with spa and henna.<br /><br />I also have a strong sence of fairness and love for my sister to have what I have for myself. I find it very important that the man follows what he is obliged to, to be fair and just to the both of us.<br /><br />I want to be in touch with you sister, is it possible?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-92193002459158460722011-05-26T05:06:57.495-07:002011-05-26T05:06:57.495-07:00Casey: No problem!
Inheritance. I honestly have s...Casey: No problem!<br /><br />Inheritance. I honestly have studied ineritance less in marriage cases and more between brothers and sisters, but it should work that the children's portions are divided up first, and then the wives. The boys of both wives will get equal for what portions they were alotted, and the girls of both is both have girls, and the wives will get the same as the other wife. THIS being of course, of the husband's wealth. But if our husband dies I think there'd only be the pension to split. Our husband spends almost all his wealth on us as it is, sooooo.... that'd be the only thing to divide up at all.Pixiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08451049563167761015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-77732057357081275742011-05-25T13:55:46.299-07:002011-05-25T13:55:46.299-07:00Pixie
Thanks for taking the time to answer my que...Pixie<br /><br />Thanks for taking the time to answer my question.<br /><br />I thought the answer would fall along the lines you gave...I just wanted to know for sure.<br /><br />Although that question leads to another...How does inhertiance work (on both a personal and legal level) in plural marriages in Islam? <br /><br />Blessings!<br /><br />~CaseyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-37492798437954018932011-05-24T15:58:07.192-07:002011-05-24T15:58:07.192-07:00Hi Casey:) : Thank you so much for your good wishe...Hi Casey:) : Thank you so much for your good wishes for my family and our baby. I wish the same for your family. <br /><br />Aicha R.A was the first woman the Prophet Mohamed was engaged to after the death of Khadijah R.A (his first, and during her lifetime, his only). But because of her young age she was not the first in marriage. She was, the only vigrin. <br /><br />I do believe men may marry virgins for reasons such as the wife having health problems, or even if she wishes it of him, but if he claims he is marrying of the sunnah (of the way of the Prophet Mohamed and how the Qu'ran outlines the practice without these medical exceptions) the women married after the engagement to Aisha R.A, were all divorcees or widows, or those who entire family had been killed in battles. So either orphans, divorcees, or widows. Alas, so many men do not care for this, and simply seek a younger version of their first wife, in the same virgin state. Which is not what Rasoolulah did or what the Qu'ran suggests.Pixiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08451049563167761015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-57431317018655545932011-05-24T15:52:59.220-07:002011-05-24T15:52:59.220-07:00Umm Hamza: Wa alaikom e salaam ramatullahi wa bara...Umm Hamza: Wa alaikom e salaam ramatullahi wa barakto, jazzakallahkheir for the book recommendation. I will try to find it.<br /><br />Hmmm, hehehe, I probably don't get hasanat for my patience, cuz I know my patience pleases my husband and he thinks I am like, the most awesome chick ever, lol, cuz of that, and since the reward of that is so good, I probably don't have to sacrifice too much for the sake of Allah in regards to patience. But I think, when we give up our days for our co-wife when she has a special need or something, not expecting r husband or her to make up for it later or get something for it, it is 100% something done for the sake of Allah and I think major baraka comes from that. INshaAllah;)Pixiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08451049563167761015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-57000980333653819192011-05-24T15:49:43.357-07:002011-05-24T15:49:43.357-07:00Um Ibrahim: Wa alaikom e salaam ramatullahi wa bar...Um Ibrahim: Wa alaikom e salaam ramatullahi wa barakato, wow, thank you for your story about the Uncle and his wives. Yeah, the bad ones keep me from defending brothers who want to take a new wife alot of the time here. They see us, and go, I'd like that, but have ALL the wrong reasons usually, or don't understand the concept of the time and patience and the PROCESS of being fair. So I will get my husband to question and question. LOL, the funny thing is alot of sisters are afraid of my husband being friends with their husbands cuz they think he'll convince their men to get a new wife, but in all the cases where one of his friends has thought about it, my husband got the friend to examine his reasons (which have all been wrong in his friends and aquaintences so far) so actually we've talked people out of it lol. And I always insist on talking to the first wife about her husbands plans, to see if I can assess if she is ready for such a thing. Alot of the men don't think about what it takes on their wife's side, and what will make her comfortable. Me and my co-wife have thought about a third, we could do it, but we have some hang-ups about finances, and time ect. Also what kind of woman. We both agree to someone who needs help and has trouble getting family and a husband. Our hsband says he's too tired right now, and well, it is expensive, sooooo... not all women work like us so.<br /><br />And that's another silly prejudice. Not all mulitple marriages are sit at home wives who only peer out of the home in gloves and niqab lol. Somehow that's what people expect and we're like, we both work.Pixiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08451049563167761015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-75652071276626572732011-05-24T15:41:34.416-07:002011-05-24T15:41:34.416-07:00Aisha: Wa alaykom e salaam, thanks for your suppor...Aisha: Wa alaykom e salaam, thanks for your support about the friends. I think... they just don't understand or don't want the situation for themselves so much that they find it difficult to accept that someone is happy in it.<br /><br />I disagree about the insecurities being caused by a man taking another wife. See, you know about them already right? That means they are in you already. They don't just appear with the other woman, or you'd only know/become aware of them when/if such a situation should arise (that happens to alot of people apparently who think they are okay with the concept and then in such a marriage wind up complaining or unhappy). I agree, it's not for everyone, but I believe it is because of those insecurites, and I do believe any woman could overcome should she wish to, but not that it would ever be easy. And really, one doesn't have to. They do have the right to divorce simple because they are not happy so really I can just speak from myself and my own observations:). Alhamdulilah for the fact no other woman (or man) can make me insufficient for the life and love Allah S.W.T has given me. InshAllah, you and your husband will always be happy, and that all Muslim women find good husbands and that there are enough good men for us all, ameen;)Pixiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08451049563167761015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-36157836844516028032011-05-20T09:49:07.797-07:002011-05-20T09:49:07.797-07:00I've started and deleted this commet at least ...I've started and deleted this commet at least 3 times now. Ah work..how you cut into my internet wanderings....<br /><br />After reading another blog post you made that (I believe) says Muslim men should (only?) marry orphans...I find myslef wondering why The Prophet took Aisha (spelling?) as his 4th wife, as she was not an orphan.<br /><br />Now I freely admit that I've done little study in Islam (I'm BTB Jewish..or at least strive to be), so I might be mistaken on one or more of my points in the previous paragraph.<br /><br />That being said..I wish you much joy and happiness with your new sister wife and your little one. First births are a true gift from G-d and I pray yours is blessed, safe, healthy and happy.<br /><br />~CaseyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-73364178402384076982011-05-16T10:07:58.344-07:002011-05-16T10:07:58.344-07:00Salams sis! What a beautiful explanation, masha&#...Salams sis! What a beautiful explanation, masha'Allah!!! I had to overcome a LOT of insecurities to accept my situation wholeheartedly. Recognizing my individuality has made a huge impact on my self-esteem as well as easing my fears as a co-wife.<br />People's reactions disappoint me, especially as I am in a muslim country. I would remind any muslim (reminding myself first, of course) who is backbiting or insulting a muslim practicing polygyny that they are commiting a big SIN. Even if poly isn't for you, it's haram to demean another believer.<br />Two things I would add: to "the Good" list, I would add that any woman involved in poly is taking MANY hasanat for her patience insha'Allah. It may be the thing that tips the scales in her favor on the Day of Judgement. I also wanted to recommend the book "From Monogamy to Polygyny, A Way Through" as an Excellent read.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-73208757827378910342011-05-13T11:52:19.371-07:002011-05-13T11:52:19.371-07:00salaamu alaikum
Great post and quite interesting....salaamu alaikum<br /><br />Great post and quite interesting...a lot of what you say makes 100% sense, frankly...I only just wish more marriages like yours worked as well as yours. Frankly all those bad ones ive heard about and know...are what keep me not too down with it...but I do know now and again they do seem to work out. My hubbiest uncle is 1 such example, had 2 wives...cuz the first was barren...but the wives become friends and their families/lives were so together, seriously...a good example of a polygamous marriage that worked. His uncle just recently passed away and his 2 wives-who are now quite old, sold their homes and now live together in a small apartment, caring for each other.<br /><br />AlhamdullahAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-26164128605843617322011-05-12T09:19:11.669-07:002011-05-12T09:19:11.669-07:00Assalamu alaikum dear
I think you're a strong...Assalamu alaikum dear<br /><br />I think you're a strong woman who manages to handle this kind of marriage, and a big inspiration to muslim women all over the world since you are a revert from West who have really adopted all the sharia laws. Don't get me wrong, it's a really good thing because I am quite surprised how a revert strives to live by islam fully and properly while there are sooo many muslims out there who think it's hard to follow the laws of islam. So much cred to you for that!<br /><br />I think however that the reason why some women don't want their husband to take a second wife does not always have to do with their insecurities. Insecurities result from the husband taking a second wife. For instance I am quite confident in myself, but I couldn't stand my husband taking a second wife, because that would make me feel insufficient, thus creating feelings of insecurity with myself. And I have struggled a lot to get to the point where I am now.. So if my husband wanted to take a second wife, I would most probably divorce him and let him live happily with his new wife and wish him all the best in his new marriage that he didn't have in his first. And then I would never ever get married again because I can't consider myself loving another man other than my husband, at least not in the same way.. But I hope we don't get to that point bcs I love him and enjoy the marriage with him. But everything is a matter of our characters as people, some like it this way and some like it that way.. and some just don't like it all. And I always say that everything is fine as long as it makes you feel good, and as long as it is islamically correct (of course), so I really respect your choice of entering upon a polygamy marriage although I couldn't do it myself. After all, we muslims are there to support each other. Even if I do not know you in person I will still support your choice. But as for the friends who stopped visiting you for the choice you have made.. Well, let's just say that real friends would have supported you in whatever makes you happy. Everything is a test, and if they failed this test it seems like it wasn't worth having them in your life from the beginning. But then again, I don't know you or your friends so I may be mistaken and if I am, may Allah forgive me for this. I just don't think it is right for them to just... stop visiting you for this. Well now I have to stop writing otherwise I will write you another novel.Aishahttp://akeys.blogg.senoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-35687630455310709112011-05-12T00:58:04.984-07:002011-05-12T00:58:04.984-07:00jana z.: I think we all will complain from time to...jana z.: I think we all will complain from time to time but to do it without explaining later how maybe one overreacted is a bit... er... dramatic. I also think first wife can always complain the first 5 months. Things will be a bit more for her to get used to:) always, plus the newlyweds do get a honeymoon period of 3-5 days in a row that do not have to be distributed evenly between the women so you can understand, anything not even is a stressor. But what I can't stand is when a second wife is mad at a husband for marrying a third, or a third is mad about him marrying a fourth, at least, when financially everyone is equal, because these women were ALL OKAY with this happening to the women before them. That makes me scratch my head and go, whattttttt???????? Hypocrite much. LOL. It is just me, maybe I don't understand their situation.Pixiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08451049563167761015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-71205592123749962762011-05-12T00:51:49.932-07:002011-05-12T00:51:49.932-07:00hind: Asalaam alaykom ramaatullahi wa barakato, as...hind: Asalaam alaykom ramaatullahi wa barakato, as long as you get a good Muslim (who treats all Muslims with Islamic manners) having a second wife is actually nice and has many benefits (more than drawbacks I figure). You sound like I did three years back now, lol. I was always asking ym husband about the idea and he was always going, it's alot of work. Smart men, huh? If you ask my husband now if he'd recommend it for men, he says he'd prefer it to them being unfaithful to women, but that isn't a good reason for such a marriage in itself, and that it is a very hard thing for a man to do, so not easy to recommend. But to support women Islamically who society reject? He is all for it in those cases.Pixiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08451049563167761015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-29868079052708756242011-05-12T00:47:20.212-07:002011-05-12T00:47:20.212-07:00Banane Anne: Wa alaykom e salaam ramatullahi wa ba...Banane Anne: Wa alaykom e salaam ramatullahi wa barakto, I really haven't come across alot of sisters blogs about being in a plural situation. I wish somebody out there kept a list of them and linked them up to me:D. It would be totally cool if the first and second (and third?) wives all kept a blogs so we could read all accounts. I'll ask F what she thinks cuz her English is good, but her family is way more protective of personal identity than mine is, and if she connected herself to me, well someone would know who she is. Yeah, the treat them fairly, and wives having good Islamic manners to each other is sooooooo important. I've heard horror stories about the 1st wife poisoning the second. Scary, and SUCH bad adab. Alhamduilah, the way we did (though not always, we're human) everything was to sunnah, so it is all working out.Pixiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08451049563167761015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-60347640102278071432011-05-12T00:41:13.188-07:002011-05-12T00:41:13.188-07:00<3 Seedi-Sami<3: Wa alaykom e salaam ramatul...<3 Seedi-Sami<3: Wa alaykom e salaam ramatullahi wa barakto. BTW, mashaAllah you are a very beautiful girl and very young, so you still have a few years before you have to worry about being barren. I am nearing thirty (not quite but it feels that way) and it did turn out, that with alot of dua, I could concieve even after being told by doctors I couldn't so alhamdulilah:). Yes, for me it is easy because I know my rights in Islam, and myself well enough to know my needs. And they usually meet up. As a woman you have to be able to communicate your needs to your husband so he can respond well to them if you are going to be a co-wife so self-awareness is a must, along with being able to laugh at some situations. Being friends with the "other wife" is a must in my opinion. I couldn't do this without there being some openness and friendliness between us. I don't think you have to be besties, but you do have to be able to communicate eachother and stand being in the same place. For me, it is isn't that difficult, but I know from some of my friends personalities, how it would be.Pixiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08451049563167761015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-11339988316767944702011-05-11T17:43:36.499-07:002011-05-11T17:43:36.499-07:00i agree with banana Anne!! refreshing and great in...i agree with banana Anne!! refreshing and great insight! as i said previously, so many women complain and complain and then get angry when i say im not interested!! lol. to each his own. im happy for you if you enjoy being a co wife!! jazakallah khair!jazainhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18269951544611075131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-72772926430852356592011-05-11T11:25:02.596-07:002011-05-11T11:25:02.596-07:00as-salam alaikum Nice post.. there are many reason...as-salam alaikum Nice post.. there are many reasons I would like to have a sister wife. my husband doesnt seem to like the idea and after all we still have our struggles.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-48593911936282670592011-05-11T10:41:56.499-07:002011-05-11T10:41:56.499-07:00Salaam alaikum,
Jazakallah khair for this post, t...Salaam alaikum,<br /><br />Jazakallah khair for this post, truly. This is the best insight into the issue that I have seen so far. While I personally don't have any desire to be in such a marriage, it's very refreshing to read such an honest post that discusses both the good and the bad, and emphasizes the fact that if one wants to practice polygamy the rules laid down in the Qur'an and sunnah must always be kept in mind.Banana Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05199135544354929727noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-923965432025935498.post-23394969319223557142011-05-11T10:27:49.731-07:002011-05-11T10:27:49.731-07:00salaams pixie
loved this post
im newly married b...salaams pixie<br /><br />loved this post<br /><br />im newly married but recently had a bit of a scare with the woman monthly thing (alhamdulillah its fine now).. and i kina convinced myself that if i could never conceive a child ....i would defo let my husband remarry and i would be happy with that because i know how badly we both want to be parents....<br /><br />reading ur article and seeing how its like from the inside.... made me realise how much harder it actually is.. it takes a lot of self confidence ...and you have to be content with yourself....although alhamdulillah you are lucky the second wife is someone you see as a sister and could get along with.... <br /><br />its lovely to see your islamic strength and imaan which is making this work and i pray that if i am ever in that situation.. i would certainly remember this and see you as a role model xx<3 Seedi-Sami<3https://www.blogger.com/profile/00480144524481835377noreply@blogger.com