Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Today I Cried at Work

Today I cried at work. Something I have managed not to do on serveral tear-worthy occasions.

Was it because of that racist lady that refuses to let me serve her? No. Was it because someone asked me if I was wearing a halloween costume (in July)? Nope. Was is that crazy old bat that says I am not Canadian anymore if I wear a scarf and am thus not entitled to employment. Nada.

So what was it?! you might wonder. It was running into a fellow ESL teacher (in case you didn't know, I also used to teach ESL). She was telling me about her new students.

Guess what country they were from?

Clue number 1, they come to class drunk. Clue number 2, they come on waaaaay too strong for the shy Asian girls. Clue number 3 they hit on their teacher asking her if she'd be willing to change her religion.

They were Saudi.

Don't get me wrong. My husband is Saudi. There alot of Saudi brothers out there better Muslims than my husband. His words, lol, not mine. I'm not hating on Saudis, or even Muslim men.

I am hatin' on Saudis who THINK they are Muslims (cuz of birth, not practice) who are invading my city and taking advantage of MY sisters (non-Muslim Canadian girls).
btw way this is a random pic of Saudi esl students and I am not saying any of these guys whatsoever is bad example of his countrymen and Islam

They come here, on government money (Saudi). They rent an apartment in a luxe downtown space for $1000.00. They spend another $1000.00 on expenses. Eating out in fancy restaurants every night, going shopping, nice celi, ya know. Their tuition is already paid for. And you know what they are studying here? Not their uni. . They are studying ENGLISH. Not as a degree, but to speak. And Emirati dudes too.

They miss their classes cuz they stayed up to late and are hungover, or they show up still drunk. They hit on their teachers. They hit on the shy Japanese girls. They study pick up lines and how to lie to girls in english more than the reading and vocab they'll need to enter an English-speaking university. They find some non-muslim girls who have no concept of self-respect. As a non-Muslim woman raised in the Western world myself I know that world is one of materialism and survival of the sexually-attractive-fittest. These girls are taught that their only value is their attractiveness and what they have or are capable of buying (through career or what not). So these girls meet these guys, charming, foriegn, who say they love their bodies, even if they are not curvy, or are too curvy... and they meet these guys who find them attractive, who take them out for dinner, take them shopping , tell them they wish they could marry them, that they deserve to be treated better than Canadian guys treat them (and then these girls TOTALLY change their whole lives around for these guys) and then the guy tell them he can't marry them because they're not Muslim but he would if such a small thing wouldn't matter to his mother...

And then, cuz they've taken these girls shopping, and out to dinner, and bought them drinks at the nightclubs, they ask their families to send them more money for expenses.

In my opinion, Saudi men need maharams. They need their Mom's. They shouldn't be allowed to come here without their mothers. I am serrious. The one's that have Mom's here, mashaAllah, they're pretty good brothers. Even the one's that have their sisters with them are better than the one's without.

I nearly cried when she told me her story. Because I was angry. Because I was hurt for the sake of our Ummah. They want the West to become Muslim? Why, so they can all order halal Chinese food as take-out without worrying about pork in that?! Is that ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!?! Is that all the makes us Muslim? You can eat your halal chinese food take-out from the Western chinese food joint while seducing some Canadian girl with no self-respect (not because she is immoral---but because her culture has not taught her the value of a woman). And I want to wear niqab.

I was kicked out by MY OWN FAMILY to practice Islam in my WESTERN country. I had them drive behind me HURLING insults at me, because I DIDN'T WANT TO insult MY DEEN by dating, wearing tight clothes, drinking.... I WANTED TO BE A MUSLIM in every possible way.

And you, come from an Islamic country, and have to bring haraam to mine. Mine that is ALREADY enough haraam for me to deal with, without having MORE PEOPLE confused about Islam like you are doing.

BE the society that you want to live in BY EMBODYING IT. That is all that it takes. All that it takes if for you to BE MUSLIM.

No offense, I mean, I won't call you an apostate or run around town lashing you eighty lashes, Canada's muttawa, but you AREN'T a Muslim if you aren't BEING a Muslim. And I am gonna start telling you this. I am not going to go out of my way, looking for your sins, but I am going to forbid evil when I see it.

You can say, this is Canada. So does that mean, if you die here, you'll still go to Jannah? Hmmm.

These girls don't know any better. The guy at the liquor store and the waiter at the restaurant you buy your booze from, they don't know any better. They are kuffar. Disbelievers. They have not the guidance of the Qu'ran, the MERCY of that, that we have. I was once one of them. As a woman, of this country, I beg you, know HOW lucky you are. And how at a disadvantage they are.

Your sister is only a woman with self-respect because she has Islam. Your mother is only a woman who has self-respect because she HAS Islam.

YOU are trash if you are not practicing Islam. Because you had the mercy with no struggle, and the guidance, without having also to face rejection, and you STILL put it aside, leading others to sin. And you know what, if they don't know the sin of their actions, Allah subhanhu wa ta ala might just hold you responsible. Because you know better... and they don't. And don't pretend you don't avoid me when I am in my my abaya and hijab and you are out with a girl who has NO IDEA you don't intend to treat her Islamically and marry her (which is her right in Islam).

I just cant understand you. Or forgive you... without reformation. I want an Islamic nation. And you make my sinful nation even worse than it was before you, a MUSLIM, came.

La illah il Allah. May Allah guide you. May I be guided as well, ameen, 'cause I recently read this post by and came out with something extroidinary from the text [I'll re-post a bit of it]:
"Authoo bilahi minash shaytaani rajeem.
Allah subahnu wa ta'ala says, in Surah Ma’oon:

أَرَأَيْتَ الَّذِي يُكَذِّبُ بِالدِّينِ
فَذَلِكَ الَّذِي يَدُعُّ الْيَتِيمَ
وَلَا يَحُضُّ عَلَى طَعَامِ الْمِسْكِينِ
Have you seen the one who denies the Repayment?
For that is the one who drives away the orphan, and does not encourage the feeding of the poor.
[Surah Ma'oon, verses 1-3]

Notice the connection here–verse one, the one who denies Ad-Deen, the Day of Repayment. And verse two and three? He drives away orphans, He doesn’t encourage feeding of the poor. It’s not that he doesn’t feed the poor. It’s that he doesn’t encourage feeding the poor.
If you’re a Muslim, and you practice your five pillars, you’re giving zakah, and chances are it’s going to poor people (two of the eight categories of eligible zakah recipients).But are you encouraging feeding of the poor?"
MashaAllah, what a great post Mev, and it made me think. Alot of the ayaat in the Qu'ran that speak of Jannah say that it is for those who encourage righteousness. So it is not enough for me to be righteous, if I do not also encourage others to good deeds and righteousness. So it is not enough for my husband and I to be righteous ourselves and not encourage our brothers in Islam to the same. So the next time I see a brother doing something haraam I am going to "gently" encourage him towards something righteous, in the example of the Prophet sallalahu alahi wa salaam when he spoke to the woman of the sahaba : Narrated by Asmaa: Allah’s Apostle passed by a group of women near the mosque. He waved his hand to them in salutation and said: "Beware of being ungrateful to your husbands, beware of being ungrateful to your husbands.”
I will say something like, "Islam is a gift brother, and do not deprive this woman you are with of it. Let her know her rights in Islam which is to have a man lower his gaze from her, and to not touch her, without offering first to marry her. Such are the rights Allah has given her. Guard yourself from evil."
Allah give me the strength to, not only speak righteously, and be righteous, but encourage others to do so as well. Ameen.



Baji said...

This was, in my opinion, the best post you've written so far. Simply because it was your own feelings doing the writing. I loved it. And just a little story, I went with my husband to Detroit couple of months ago (just cuz we love that there's so many halal options there) and we went for a late night snack at a halal burger joint type of place. Aside from us there were maybe two other families with kids and all. And in the table right in front of us were two young couples, the guys were definitely arab and the girls i have no clue but since they were wearing booty-shorts im guessing not really Muslim (Allah knows best) anyways one of the girls just couldn't manage to get herself off her arab bf's lap i mean it was disgusting, here we are in an all-HALAL restaurant, with FAMILIES, and she's on his lap hugging and kissing him. it was disgusting. ahhh...and that's just a recent story. if i wrote about all the things that happened in my university involving arab guys...well it would be a novel!

lol u got me all hyped up too now cuz of this post.

JazakAllah Kheir sister

Yasemin said...

Hi Sweetie, this is a great, great post.

I missed you so very much!! Someone called me tonight from a 927 area code and I accidentally hung up, I was on line #1 with husband. I thought it might be you and I'm SO sorry because I tried to call back, but it's not a working number.

If it was you, I am SO incredibly sorry habibty. I will be home all day tomorrow...

I am so sorry about the Halloween costume talk, you know that your outfits look so much prettier than the nicest clothes Katie Holmes and Charlize Theron own!

Oh my gosh, I LOVE the idea of them bringing over their moms Pixie. That would definitely help, because these types of guys come here and think it's one giant playground where any former repression can end.

I think we also need more guides for them once they come. Programs that are more excange student based where Saudi families take them in, and prevent them from going wayward. More Saudi parents should consider this, and it would probably be better for their wallets in addition to their son's deen.

Love you so much sweetie!

Sarah Plain And Short said...

Salam aleikom

so i posted i nice loong comment and blogger ate it ! ne ways i will try to sum up what i said: I feel ur pain! they are soo embarassing, ne where i've traveled to in the world Muslim men can act really dumb, but here since we live in a non Muslim country and they come here on daddy's paycheck they should have some decency to know better. its embarassing! they act all nervous when they see a muhajaba. the other night i was coming home on the bus with my husband and this saudi guy was sitting behind us with his little female friend, shamelessly flirting with her. i decided i was going to ruin his little party LOL bcuz that poor girl doesnt know what she is getting into! so ne ways they chat and chat, finally she asks him what is the burka? and he cant give her a real answer, i had enough! lol i turned around; "Hi, can I say something?" i xplained to her what is hijab, and what is niqab and that burqa ,the covering of the face is culture practice, because we are not commanded in islam to cover both eyes. i also told her to look online for more about islam.saudi guy now wants to crap his pants. lol. after that she was really happy, and he was very quiet lol.I wanted to give her my email but i had no paper :(

And don't cry, it's their loss at the end of this life. it just makes me mad to see them acting like this, and in the end when its time to get married they go get a nice muhajaba for mommy and daddy to like.LAME. they don't deserve her.
Allah guide them inshaAllah.

TehBoogieMonsterMan ^___^ said...

Selam ALeykum WRWB
Sister I have been a huge fan of your work on both the websites you wrote/have been writing on. Long-time follower here and I must say, this post has moved me.

I quote: "Your sister is only a woman with self-respect because she has Islam. Your mother is only a woman who has self-respect because she HAS Islam.

YOU are trash if you are not practicing Islam. Because you had the mercy with no struggle, and the guidance, without having also to face rejection, and you STILL put it aside, leading others to sin."

This touched me more than the others because I'm born Muslim yet I haven't studied Islam inside out which I now want to and will Elhumdulillah, inshAllah, but which saddens me deeply because simple aspects of religion and I'm struggling with them and it just breaks my heart because I want to be a good Muslim and servant of Allah and not give into Shaitaan.

I just wanted you to know that this was an excellent and very powerful post and inshAllah it will move many hearts as it moved mine.
May Allah swt rewardy ou for your efforts sis. MashAllah

Selam Aleykum WRWB, wa Fe Aman Allah

Sakeenah said...

subhanallah they truly are doing these girls an injustice, how many times do i need to see it, how many times do i need to warn these girls before they find out for them selves what is really going on. i breaks my heart to see girls turn away from Islam because things didn't work out with their 'Muslim' boyfriend. they never get the opportunity to see the beauty of Islam because all they know is this man who bought her all these things and took her to all these places, then turns out to be a jerk and he said he was a Muslim.

Hijab Chic said...

Masha Allah, great post!
The best one you've ever written I guess. I got tears in my eyes.

It really makes me sad to see these guys spreading that kind of image of Islam to others. Allright they have left Islam and fallen in sin but why do they still have to say they're Muslims and this is what Islam is all about? It's shameful and confusing.

Coffee Catholic said...

We have a world now that is full of **cultural** Christians and Muslims ~ and so many that no longer practice or understand either faith. There's now a world-wide vacuum with God being shoved off to the side. This happens over and over, in a sad cycle where a society becomes godly, then loses it's focus and falls away from God.

It's frustrating and infuriating but the truth is, people of faith always undergo periods of failing God, followed by periods of reform.

It's usually young people and converts that bring about this reform ~ and they suffer SO MUCH at the hands of their families and communities. They are treated like trash, like they are crazy even. But if we stick to our guns we'll help so many people to come to know and love God, including those cultural Muslims and Christians that have lost the way even though they are born and raised in these faiths.

Stick to your faith! Don't back down! Wear niqab and hijab and be an example to others all around you! They'll treat you like trash, they'll point and laugh, persecute you, reject you... BECAUSE YOU ARE MAKING THEM THINK OF GOD. And that is a very painful thing to do when you are not living *for* God.

I know exactly what you're going through, Pixie. I went through it with my own family and now I'm going through it every day here in my new home. Do know something: Your blog has really inspired me to adopt hijab and wear it in public without backing down!!

You never, ever know when you are planting a seed in another person's heart ~ even those people that snicker and sneer might only be doing so out of their own insecurity. But maybe years later they'll come to God because they saw you or met you.

I know this is a Christian saying but it makes sense even to a Muslim:

"Witness the gospel at all times. **If necessary**, use words."

Just by walking down the street you're "advertising" God! Is it any wonder that so many react with anger and rejection? It's as if a mirror is being held up before their faces and they feel GUILT for their own rejection of God.

Keep fighting the good fight!

nurhanym said...

Assalamualaikum Sis,

This is my first time commenting. I have been following your blog for the past couple of months. I love your honesty in your every post.

I am not surprise to read your post today. In my country, majority are born Muslims. But the modern generation of born muslims attitude are really troubling. Alcohol, drugs, unmarital sex are some very worrying problems that our community are facing. The percentage are small but still it is saddening.

Sometimes people forgets how lucky they are to have ISlam in their life. They forgets that Islam is the way of life.

They love Dunya and forgets that it wont last.

People forgets.

Aalia of Abu Dhabi said...

Asalaamu `alaikum Pixie

Mashaa'Allah -- very good post!!! Yup, I heard about the new wave of Saudi students coming into Vic and when Aisha told me, I rolled my eyes. "Oh God, here we go again.." And uu know what that "again" is, don't you. *ugh* May Allah guide these foolish men!!

Majda said...

omg... Me and my fiance JUST got finished with an hour long discussion about the EXACT same thing. It still angers me how these dudes will come to the masjid HUNGOVER after a crazy house party and sleeping with some Japanese chick they had met 3 hours earlier. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANGRY.

As for him, he's stopped caring so much a long time ago. He's claimed he has posted a topic in the official forum for the Saudi Cultural Mission (I'm sure you are aware of it) and he got a surprising amount of people to agree with him and say, "Yes! This IS Annoying!"

However the moderator, who he assumes was an American, said that it's perfectly fine for these guys to put their cultural upbringing aside and just 'go with the flow'.

I remember once when I was on the bus this lady was eager to sit next to me. She asked if I was Saudi and I said no. She then said I reminded her of her sister's ex boyfriend. Apparently the boyfriend acted quite the "Westerner" and had no qualms drinking and partying and whatnot. However when his girlfriend expressed no interest in converting to Islam he dropped her and pulled the whole, "Whoops. I'm actually engaged. Bye!"

It really makes me soooooo angry. So so so so angry. But when the rage settles it honestly makes me pretty depressed.

Madiha M.K said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. I know exactly how you feel. Living in Egypt, I've been around these types of guys that WISH they could meet a foreign chick (cuz if she's western, she might just be a slut) and go to america or europe and have it made. It's really really insulting to me. And I take it personally. Being a half american living in a middle eastern country. But there are some respectable muslims here also, so I'm grateful for that. But really...the muslimness is fading especially in this's sad.

asmaa said...

assalamu alaykum ukhti.. just wanted to say this really was a great great post mashaAllah, it needed to be said and i dont think it could have come out better !! love your blog barak Allahu feeki

Sarah Plain And Short said...

u know what Pixie, let's make business cards for these girls. We could put our email address or something and they could contact us about the REAL Islam. Maybe the card could say "Dating a "Muslim"?" WE can help you find the perfect gift for him :)

AlabasterMuslim said...

Salaamu alaikum,
Everything i have to say it just a repeat of what others have said- this post was very good and i think captured the opinion of MANY! When i was done reading the post i was so angry. Not at the post, at the people who act like nonmuslims but call themselves muslim. You can't hear it, but i'm growling on my end of the computer. Inshallah just keep practicing Islam correctly so that people will realize the difference.

MerhabaAyisha said...

Yeah I know the lame so called Muslim guys that come to America on baba's money to study when they are really sleeping around and partying.

I can't tell you how many times I see this not only among Saudis but Moroccans and other Arab guys.

I find it sad, disgusting, and hypocritical that these men call out western women for being "whores" yet sleep with them only to dump them for a virgin in their native land. What I find most sad is these girls end up getting a twisted image of what Muslims and Islam is like.

I would like to ask you if thats ok how did you find a good Muslim man?

Tamara said...

asalaamu 3alykom sis.. i converted to islam last november(elHamdulillah)... i know exactly how u feel..i lived in Egypt for 2 yrs and the guys there r big flirts:S... wen i was living out there i was non-muslim and didnt realize my values like now... but there were some rly good muslims and i learned a lot from them:)...but every year there was a month where loads of Saudis came.. it was craaaazzzyyyyyy:O.. they stayed up all night clubbing and would work horses to death in the heat every day.. also these drunk drivers(not sure if they were Egyptian or Saudi) came down the street and injured a few men and killed a horse:(... it rly is very sad to know that arabs who hav a free choice to do all the muslim things n stuff(not rly sure how to put it in words lol).. but my parents wont even let me be muslim until im 18:S i dont know wat im gonna do in ramadan.. im so excited for it but scared at the same time coz im probably gonna end up running away from home or living on the street lol.. i hav a boyfrend (i know its rlyyyyyy not good but we r gonna try n marry as soon as possible.. i tried ending the relationship but he took it the wrong way and i love him too much:S) for some reason he thinks hijab is stupid:S... i cant wear hijab coz of my parents but ive started wearing it in skool and i rly want to wear niqab in the future too... im rly trying to get him to like hijab n stuff but its so hard:(.... i rly loved this post tho mashAllah... i can rly relate to it lol salaamz xxx

Anonymous said...

yeah I husband works w/ some saudi dudes who are 8supposed* to be here as "students" and these dudes come from RICH families and have everything but then they come here and act like criminals. The dudes my husband works with are young late teens, early twenties, they come to work drug, high...some have been in jail and meanwhile their families call to talk to them while they r at work and half the time they r high and so my husband has to tell them they arent there...
meanwhile they all have huge houses which their families paid for and 1-2 cars and they are supposed to be in school but arent even bothering...

yeah it gives a really bad view of Muslims and esp. Saudi's...we r going to Saudi in a few weeks...gosh, I hope they behave better over there! the ones here, overwhelmingly have NO could have hijab, modest dress and a child with you and they still act crazy.

But you know what...alot of the girls r no better...there r starting to be some that r coming over here too...alone, them and girls from UAE and the girls are no better...really...they have a scarf on their heads but act equally shameful...

I donno... en'shallah Allah swt will guide them...

Anonymous said...

...ahem, spkg of Japanese girls. Alas, they arent all 'shy" and "innocent"...Japanese culture isnt as uptight about inter-gender relations of the explicit sort and so yeah, while Japanese girls may *look* sweet, shy and innocent they are well known for being anything but, thats probably why the Arab dudes go after them. They are easier than most American girls are. Maybe I'm generalizing a little but...really it's pretty close to reality. I took Japanese for a long time and my family hosted a Japanese girl for a bit when I was in HS and them, it's different.

Anonymous said...

Salaam Alykom wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,
I met my first Saudi, mmm, about 3 1/2 years ago? They helped me convert and...well, I helped them out of jail! I have since married an Egyptian, but still the Saudi den mother in my city. The boys know that if they screw up, I will somehow end up hearing about it and calling them to have a "chat" (screech at them for being idiots and tell them to knock it off).

My roommate (confusing living situation) and I typically end up with one on our couch at least once a month, either drunk or locked out of their homes. They call my roommate because they know "Mom" (me) won't let them in the house late at night and will yell at them in the morning. They know they're not allowed to stay at the house by house rules, but still call. They also get the fajr wake-up call (mug of water thrown on their faces) when they stay.

The majority in my city are perma-baked except for prayer times. They plan their smoking and drinking around prayer times (alhamdulillah they still even pray!) It seems like for the ones here, their fathers sent them out of Saudi with the message to sow their wild oats and then come home. In one case, one brother's father gave him a giant bag of condoms and told him not to come back until they were all used. It's so sad.

InshaAllah our husbands and the brothers in the community can remind them what they are doing is haraam. InshaAllah we can actually get them to listen. Some of them are such good people that have lost their way. :(