Saturday, February 13, 2010

Modesty is More than Clothes

On this blog sisters have often criticized me for being "too judgemental" when I have written articles on the different aspects of hijab, and intentions for wearing hijab. One can look at posts such as "are the feet awrah" "is niqab mustahaab or wajib" or "cover your chest!" and be like, WHOA, THIS SISTA IS HARSH."

LOL, if only you knew me, he he he, I've never been one to point out a girl on the street and be like, "omigod does she think those leggings are jilbab"- "gadzooks, check out the makeup on that niqabi"- or yell "put some clothes on" to a non-muslim woman in an Arab country, though sometimes I admit, I do a double take. Cleavage with hijab distracts, as well as seeing butt cheeks go up and down in abaya, or fake eyelashes and plucked brows and glittery shadow with niqab. I just go, what is the point but... But to me judging or yelling at people or talking behind their backs---that's bad hijab too. Worse sometimes than another sister's mistake. Maybe when we are being harsh, it is because something is lacking in ourselves and the offensive is our defence?!!!!

No, what I have written, while filtered in my own personal leanings, is directed firstly to myself. it is directed to any woman like myself, who has a love of halal things like design and colour but who wants to hear what the sunnah says, what the examples in the seerah show us. When I am writing "Allah says this is best for us, or a must for us," or "this is what women of the sahaba wore because..." I am not saying any woman who doesn't understand or agree with that is bad or worse, subhanaAllah! LOL, okay, I guess it isn't really funny, but the way people read what we write and miss why we are writing us funny sometimes. Sometimes I get offended when people don't understand me, and I have to realize, hey, I do the same sometimes so be patient and wait, making the best excuses for it.

For me personally, I like hearing nasiha (Islamic advice) about hijab with daleel (evidence from the Qu'ran and Sunnah) from a sister in a non-embarrassing one-on-one conversation, where she's sweet and thoughtful about it. How else do we learn about Islam? I DO apologize, I can't do that online, really LOL. Anyways, then if I think the sister's advice to be wrong, and I disregard it, I prefer her not to nag me about it. If I disregard it and she thinks that's she's right, she should pray for my guidance from Allah. That's the way to do it in person. That is the Islamic way.

Of course, blogs like mine, since they generally aren't directed at any one person I believe it is entirely okay to post multiple hijab posts on a similar issue. It isn't nagging or picking on anybody. If one has a different opinion, they may blog about it on their blog, of course. It is sharing/storing information, even if it is for myself, or others seeking what I learnt after making some mistakes first LOL.

I have discovered that, sadly, in real life women that wear niqabs and gashwas can call down other women in the malls for wearing tight clothes with hijab or girls with no hijabs or Islam at all, but then, have worse hijab in actions and even in dress, on a different day.

When I see girls in ridiculously tight abayas or lack or khimar and jilbab, I don't think I am better than them, and I don't click my tongue at them an go "ayb". I don't know their intentions and the extent of their religious knowledge and the state of their imaan. I simply know that with my understanding my clothing might fulfill the requirements of the Qu'ran better than my skinny-jeans wearing sister in Islam, or my non-hijabi girlfriend. And while I know my clothing meets the requirements of the shariah and theirs does not, clothing alone does not equate modesty. My girl Hanoony has no headscarf but she is of a more modest strain than I am, and Boxie, who used to have a thing for her skinnies, now has simply abayaat than mine, and she doesn't wear make-up, and she doesn't talk as loud in public as I do.

So I know if we work to improve our knowledge about hiojab for ourselves, and our personalities, and we advise eachother in real-life instead of randomly pointing some chicas out in the mall, and pray for eachother' guidance, then the state of our imaan (faith) and the pressure we feel as women in Islam, will balance out. It may be hard, but it isn't that hard, lol.

Sorry I haven't written in a long time. I just haven't been into fashion (strange, I know!). I've had some personal issues and still no internet source. Forgive me those of you who have been loyal readers and forgive me also those of you who think of me as a know-it-all. Serriously, if I've offended you in the past, ever, I extend an invitation- if you're ever in Muscat, Oman I'll pay for tea or coffee and show you the woman between the lines of the blog and make ammends by being by being other than what I am able to communicate in type.

May Allah guide us all, and keep us on the straight path, ameen.


NeverEver said...

Wa alaikum assalam!

So glad to see you back :-)

So are you in Oman now or Canada? Are you making Oman home now?

Hoping all is well with you inshaAllah.


Lrida said...

thats rich coming from a blog steaming from hypocrisy and judginess. Also, interesting you have a whole poem dedicated to slagging off emiratee men saying you haven't met a muslim man there, but go off on one because another blogger said there were good and bad men in oman and you trashed her reputation for the sake of oman. very strange.. i think you are the one who has "slandered a country" as i know plenty of good muslim men in abu dhabi.

Anonymous said...

Lrida: Do you want to continue the posts on the subject? I never said even one fifth of what others wanted me to. Aalia posted first on something backbiting a few people (no one cared about that I mean because the guys were bad Muslims right???-but backbiting is backbiting) and I now realize that maybe the bad experiences I had in Abu Dhabi had to do with some of the places I was hosted to. The poem was more an expression of coming from the West and expecting a Muslim paradise in a Muslim country, not specific to Abu Dhabi. I too know good Muslim men from Abu Dhabi, one of them being Aalia's husband, another being another convert's there husband, and another's. I never actually said anything against Abu Dhabi just that what I was shown there was not what I would go to see. As I said of Aalia's experiences in Oman, what one sees on their travels HAS VERY MUCH to do with how one goes about on their travels, and where they go. Do not judge what you did not experience. And do not misread my words. I was not attacking Aalia. I defended her from the things she was accused of, but allowed what Omanis here knew, that she went about in a manner that caused her many of her hardships. I think this came from a stress and imaan crisis. Aalia knows this.

Anonymous said...

I don't think you are a know-it-all and people who think that are just jealous and it's sad. You just share your knowledge and may Allah reward you for that. People should have the envy to search also knowledge when they read your posts. And i think people can't disagree with what you say because you only repeat what Allah and his Prophet (SalAllahou Aleihi wa Salam) have command to us. Sometimes we can heard a nassiha and be not please with it but it don't mean that the nassiha is bad, we must accept it.


aliciav63 said...

Pixie, I am so glad you posted this..I admire you and look forward to your posts always ....I am new to Islam and cannot get enough encouragement and information about hijab. I pray that Allah would draw me closer to having a sister like you that can help me through this learning process, but your blog is so very helpful. Please do not get discouraged from the negativity of what some may post because what you do for us is priceless!!!

AlabasterMuslim said...

Salaamu Alaikum!
I miss your blog posts, but I'm sure we all understand :D
I adore your blog and the way you write. I have never thought that you write too 'harshly' or that you think to extremely. I'm glad that you are to the point and it shows that you love what you write about. Thanks for being so entertaining :D.

Pixie said...

To ALL: Jazzakallah kheir for your comments and support and advice.

To anyone who wants to bring up things between Aalia and me, why don't you ask Aalia on her blog if she wants me to publish your comments regarding/defending her and my response to them. If she says yes, and gives me your comments, I will post them and respond to them. Otherwise, I feel it is just someone trying to stir up fitnah. I Do LOVE Aalia. I wish I could have been here in Oman to stop her from making the wrong friends. I wish her the best and hope she realizes I was doing my best to stop things from getting worse than how they were left when she left Muscat. I bet she wishes things could have happened differently than they did in Abu Dhabi too. InshaAllah she'll count me as a sister. I am mad at so many people who created drama, some idiot Omani here in Oman who is already too famous for his lying, and what I was going through personally combined with Aalia's misadventures was too much for anyone. It was alot to deal with. Just make dua for Aalia and give her kinds words of support. INshaAllah you'll do the same for me if you are really Muslim, as you'd want the best for all your sisters in Islam. Sometimes the truth is harsh. Anyways, I am trying to blog about other than that, so please, if you wanna start drama, do it somewhere else.

Anonymous said...

Salamualikum pixie,

I love ur blog! I enjoy reading all of ur posts and i get excited when there is a new one, before u moved away i checked ILH every single day Mashaallah! Also i dont think u are extreme either, i feel that u are firm in what u believe, and any god fearing woman who wants whats best will be firm.

For some reason in ur last few posts...u come off sort of distressed. and i know its hard to depict that through typing, but for some reason i get this vibe that everything is not quite ok. Inshaallah if i am right it will all work out for the best, and inshaallah if i am wrong (i hope i am!) then may allah keep you away from that. ameen

Take care sis!!

Anonymous said...

When I first came to Islam, yours was one of the blogs that helped me feel that there was a community of sisters to whom I could relate. Welcome back.

Anonymous said...

Haha, yep, women love drama. Like living in real life soap operas. My sister does this too, it's so annoying... -.-

Anyway, I wanted to say this is a cool blog. Hope you don't mind if a brother reads. :p

If not, I do have one question, if I may... Why are so many Muslim women (especially converts) going to the Middle East? It's crazy... Not enough of us good brothers here? :( I'm looking to get married, obviously, and I meet so many sisters who insist on a brother who one day wants to go live there. It's crazy. None of us have the money for this! LOL

Asalamualaikum. Peace.

PS: I'm from Canada too. You probably don't miss the freezing rain I just spent an hour scraping off my car... and the black ice...