Asalaam alaykom ramatullahi wa barakato sisters,
I hope you are all in the best of health and imaan. Alhamdulilah, I am into the third month of my pregnancy. The wacko baby hormones have made my skin perfectly clear and dewey, the morning sickness has shrunk my thighs (which no excercise or diet ever seemed to do---and I am not fat to begin with), and my bra size is starting to cause me back pain. I don't know anyone to ask but I hope they shrink back to normal size after the feeding period. [I always hated sisters blogging about icky baby and pregnancy stuff before so am sorry to bore ya'll with the same]. Bad thing is though, seems I am one of those people who will suffer the morning sickness past the three months period, which is rather wretched. The baby is growing though alhamdulilah, so despite my inability to eat a great deal of foods or be a normal person until well after 12:00 pm [I have thus taken time off from working because throwing up isn't very professional] I have a cute baby bump that is apparent though my abaya. I think, I will have to buy more clothes soon, since the abaya pulls at the front and gets tighter on the butt in the back. I will leave this to my husband, since he's the one who'll be picky about that.
Due to my sickness I have been slow to get the Beautiful Muslimah Online Boutique fully running, and I apologize for that. I miss the morning shopping and that leaves only my evenings because shops in Oman close from 1-4pm everyday. And, since my husband shares days between me and my sister-wife, sometimes I elect to spend the night with him instead of the business, and HE HATES when I go to the souq without him (though the mall is okay) as many tailor shops have only men working in them. Please forgive me. My husband's holidays is soon, so I will have way more time, and will want to go to work in the evenings, since we'll spend the whole day together.
About the inqueries I have already recieved I am working on them.
Unto a marriage with more than one;) because I am sure you are all curious (or disgusted, who knows, but we're pretty happy).
The way our marriage works right now is my husband spends 4 days, then 3 days (because of the work week) on rotation with me and my sister wife. We'll call her F from now on. We usually rotate a Monday or a Sunday. She always gets the weekends, as this is easier for my husband, and I usually get weekdays (which was easier for me, because he could drive me to my work and back). But we switch this Monday between us every week so its fair. Also F and I can choose to give up days in order to book a day on the other's time. Also, maybe a day is special to us, like a wedding anniversary ect, or we have an emergancy, or a child's birthday if our husband isn't working. In that case, as they are special occasions, we usually have no qualms giving up our days. Our poor husband has to try and convince us to give up our time for his friends. We like to say we give him one day a month to hang out with his friends each, so that is two days, but this probably isn't enough for him alas. Which is why he says he doesn't have time for a 3rd wife even if we'd ask him to take one.
People always say they can't imagine their husband sleeping with or kissing another woman. Really, to be honest, it isn't a big deal to me or her. We have our special things each. He'll call her something that is meaningless to me, and he'll call me something that I like and makes me feel special. A man's honesty and attention are what a faithful husband is, and he is honest with us, and faithful to us. And if I have pleasure and closeness, I want her to have the same.
The hard thing is the occasional insecurity, feeling like the other wife is more of something or has something that you don't. This is where jealousy can come from. No woman is ever jealous in nature unless she is insecure in nature. Men should know this before they marry another wife. This is the key to where being fair to all comes in, besides in the material provision of wealth and time scheduling. If a man can manage his wives' insecurities honestly, the wives' feelings of having less or being less, there will be no jealousy.
A woman will feel like she is less or that the other wife has more if there is nothing special between her husband and herself. That "romance" quotient, the "wer'e meant for eachother" thing. People reading this will probably feel like that is a contradiction of being fair but we've learnt that it isn't.
Women have different needs, and different things are important to them. To me it is important that my husband thinks I am unique, that he admires my strength but is amused by my weaknesses, and that we share a good friendship and can just hang out for hours. F, she likes romance, to know that she is very feminine, that she is a better cook, to have someone to listen to her. I like to tell my husband stories. I think because F and I have different personalities, it is possible for my husband to love us each as if we are the only one (because we are the only one of our kind) and yet equally. He loves different things in us equally. The only hardship comes when both of us square off for the same love in the same thing. Like, lol, who is sexiest. This, I am sure, he is NEVER 100% honest with us. He'll tell one of us we are more experienced, and the other he'll tell, she's better at a certain thing. So he doesn't lie to either of us, but he isn't stuck in a corner. I think, as long as he gives us his full attention, and gives us equal time, then we feel desired enough that we forget about competing, and we can just be ourselves.
Me and F, we get along good now, though it took a bit of getting used to. I was kind of jealous cuz they both spoke Arabic and I suck at accented Arabic dialects lol but that was stupid, and F was kind of jealous because husband and me spoke a little Irish-Gaelic, and that she obviously didn't know, but neither thing in the end warranted anything and we got over it and laughed at ourselves.
Now, when we are too mad to listen to our husband, or are insecure about something and sad, we phone the other, and other cheers up, because they are usually in a more rational state than us. We both share what we know about Islam, health, and our husband's mood and character, to help the other improve her marriage. Really, it can be wonderful you know? Because if you complain about your husband to your friends, they never forget it, and he's always a creep even if you were wrong lol, and if you complain about him to your family they get involved and it become a mess (in my case, they think Muslim men are bad and Islam was a stupid choice for me). But is you complain about it him to your sister wife, she reassures you if you are right and takes your side and gets angry too, and if you are wrong, she helps you laugh at yourself, and how your husband can at times, be an idiot, even if he is right.
I always kind of wanted my life to be like this (only in the same house) we're a bit far away now due to realestate issues, but inshaAllah next year.
So, yeah, mostly doing good. Just the morning sickness thing getting me down. InshaAllah it ends soon and goes away and stays away:)