Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Abuse of Women in Islam---your hijab is a symbol of the respect Muslim women have for themselves so don't let some unislamic loser disrespect YOU

Someone wanted me to write about the abuse of women in Islam to bring attention to it but I won't because there is no such thing as the abuse of women in Islam. Alot of cultures whose peoples converted to Islam are abusive to women, including the Arabs that originally buried baby girls alive before Islam forbid the practice, or the cultures in India where it is okay to burn a bride who didn't give enough dowry (a man pays a WOMAN a dowry in Islam, not the other way around, and alas, Muslim women are not allowed to burn their husbands if they don't like their dowries---because THEY specify what their dowries and the conditions of the marriage are to be IN THE FIRST PLACE). Islam is all about the defending of the weak, peaceful resolution in relations between Muslims, and the protection and provision made for women and orphans. NOWHERE in Islam is abuse of women a part of it.

What I will write about is the so-called Muslim men who abuse women who often remove themselves from the fold of Islam when they set out abusing their own brothers and sisters in the religion. The Prophet S.A.W said that no man [or woman] shall have faith until he/she wants for his/her brother/sister what he/she wants for himself/herself. If you have no faith, you cannot be a Muslim in Islam. Faith in Allah S.W.T and obedience of His Messenger S.A.W means that other Muslims are safe from your hands, physically and metaphorically. I don't care if you say la illaha il Allah till the cows come home, if you beat your wife to a pulp or degrade her with your sick addictions and twisted mind and abuse her till she goes insane or leaves Islam you are no more a Muslim than my non-muslim father is (because neither of you obey the Allah S.W.T or the Messenger ) only my father is better than you because he will not have the weight of being a hypocrite on his hands on the day of judgement, and unlike you he will have the reward of being a maintainer and protector and provider for women and orphans. Your torment, as one who has forsaken Islam through your lack of faith, and destroyed the Muslims, will be a terrible one. I feel sorry for you, even though you do not deserve it, because I truly want for all my brothers and sisters what I want for myself, and the last thing I want for myself is to be guilty of forsaking Islam and causing others to leave it on the day of judgement.

Lack of knowledge in Islam gives men (sometimes women) an excuse to abuse others so sisters EDUCATE yourselves about the role of women in Islam and their rights! Sisters: you are the daughters of Khadijah, the sisters of Fatimah. You are to be as Aisha was: when you look out onto the world, you are not alone. It is the duty and the pride of every Muslim out there, to want to help and to protect you. We don't want you to think that Allah (SWT) is the only one out there who hears your cries. Maybe your own family won't accept you anymore because of the hijab you have chosen so bravely to wear, or maybe the man you are married to is not a man at all but a beast, and the worst of men. The Prophet Mohamed (SAW) himself said "The best of men are those who are best to their women" so I can only surmise that men that are the worst to women are the worst of mankind. Of the new muslims: "O Prophet! When believing women come to you to ascribe their faith and attend their loyalty that they will not associate partners with God, and will neither steal nor commit adultery nor kill their children, nor produce a lie which they have thought up themselves, and will not disobey you in what is right, then accept them to you and ask Allah to forgive them. Lo! Allah is Forgiving, Merciful." [Surah al-Mumahanah:12] And for the believing woman who seeks refuge: "O you who believe! when believing women come to you as refugees, test them; Allah knows best their faith; then if you find them to be believing women, do not send them back to the unbelievers, neither are these (women) lawful for them, nor are those (men) lawful for them, and give them what they have spent; and no blame attaches to you in marrying them when you give them their dowries;"... "That is Allah's judgment; He judges between you, and Allah is Knowing, Wise." We should be speaking to our Imams to get them to speak to our brothers about following the true sunnah of Prophet Mohammed (SAW) and encourage brothers to marry lawfully the orphans (converts/reverts), AND divorced and widowed women with children in order to protect and support them, as the Prophet S.A.W has done, so that there will be no reason for women to stay where they are beaten and abused. "A mother shall not be allowed to suffer on account of her child" surah 2:233 "Reasonable provision shall also be made for divorced women. That is incumbent on righteous men." surah 2:241 Despite what many might say, a husband who beats his wife or is not practicing his deen by not praying or forcing his wife into harraam (the last if he is warned and does not cure himself) has NO right whatsoever in Islam to forbid his wife to leave the marriage. "wives... either retain them in honor or let them go in kindness. But you shall not retain them in order to harm them or to wrong them. Whoever does this wrongs his own soul." surah 2:230 ANY COWARDS OUT THERE WHO WANT TO USE SURAH 4:34 (it says: "Men are the maintainers of women") AS AN EXCUSE TO BRUTALISE AND BATTER A WOMAN YOU ARE MISINFORMED AND ARE COMMITTING A FORM OF SHIRK by disobeying Allah S.W.T and His Messenger S.A.W. Muslims, you and I know Islam is a religion of peace, and as muslim women we know this is one of the biggest stereo-types out there that we have to fight: suppression. We can fight it by fighting abusers out there, and protecting those who deserve it, the orphans and women. "Give orphans the property which belongs to them. Do not exchange their valuables for worthless things or cheat them of their pocessions; for this would surely be a grievous sin. If you fear you cannot treat orphans with fairness, then you may marry the women who seem good to you: two, three, or four of them. But if you fear you cannot maintain equality among them, marry only one... This will make it easier to avoid injustice.""They consult you concerning women. Say: 'Allah has instructed you about them, and so have verses proclaimed to you in the Book, concerning the orphan girls whom you deny their legal rights and refuse to marry; also regarding helpless children. He has instructed you to deal justly with orphans. Allah has knowledge of all the good you do." Surah 4:126 We need our Imams to help us by being Walis for these new muslim converts/reverts, and providing them with housing, food, and education, when circumstances require it (for they are our orphans today), and to help find good brothers willing to follow the Prophet's example to love and marry abandoned or lawfully divorced women with children, who will love those children as their own.

Question 1: Who would want to marry you if you got up the courage to go? Answer: The Prophet Mohammed (SAW) himself married divorced women and encouraged others to do so (this is the Sunnah). Divorce wouldn't be allowed by Allah (SWT) for Muslims in our religion if it ruined us forever. "Reasonable provision shall also be made for divorced women. That is incumbent on righteous men." surah 2:241

Question 2: Who would want another man's children? Answer: "Give orphans the property which belongs to them. Do not exchange their valuables for worthless things or cheat them of their pocessions; for this would surely be a grievous sin. If you fear you cannot treat orphans with fairness, then you may marry the women who seem good to you: two, three, or four of them. But if you fear you cannot maintain equality among them, marry only one... This will make it easier to avoid injustice.""They consult you concerning women. Say: 'Allah has instructed you about them, and so have verses proclaimed to you in the Book, concerning the orphan girls whom you deny their legal rights and refuse to marry; also regarding helpless children. He has instructed you to deal justly with orphans. Allah has knowledge of all the good you do." Surah 4:126

Question 3: You cannot abandon your children so you have no choice but to stay--Answer: "A mother shall not be allowed to suffer on account of her child" surah 2:233 And has it has already been established, a man that beats his wife or does not pray cannot be considered a practising Muslim, and so, he is also not entitled to his children in full custody because Muslim children should never be raised by non-muslims.

Question 4: It is okay for a husband to beat his wife? Answer: "wives... either retain them in honor or let them go in kindness. But you shall not retain them in order to harm them or to wrong them. Whoever does this wrongs his own soul." surah 2:23 (There is a surah that says "Men are the maintainers of women"SURAH 4:34 and that if a woman is disobediant a man "may beat" her as a last possible action (if the threat of him leaving her is not enough then he may shame her through the beating (but only in the context that this might improve her actions and she is truly in error---and hadith describe the action of "to beat" in Islam to mean to tap with an object as light as a toothstick/toothbrush) as it used in another hadith where the Prophet "beat" a man with his siwaak stick. The Qu'ran exhorts women to be obedient to their husbands in what is resonable: resonable is what is what compelled of us as Muslims, and what is healthy for us.) If your husband wants you to take off your hijabs and go to clubs and hits you this is not something you should be obedient in (what he asks is harraam), but if you don't want to pray and your husband questions your Islam for this, that is (halal---and one of his duties as a husband). But the main reason why it is against Islam for a man to brutalize his wife, is the pretext that makes us all muslims. "There is no God but God and Mohammed is His Prophet." If Mohammed (SAW) is Allah's messenger, then we must live our lives as the Prophet lived his own, and he never raised a hand to his wives. I steal a section from one of Aalia's pages: the Messenger of Allah (sallalahu `alayhi wa salaama), often instructed his companions (may Allah be pleased with them all) not to hit their wives, and said, when he heard about men who hit their wives, "The best of you are the best to your spouses, and I am the best of you to their spouse." The wives of the Prophet, including A'isha (Allah be pleased with her), relate that he never hit any of his wives. Narrated Mu'awiyah al-Qushayri: "I went to the Apostle of Allah (sallalahu `alayhi wa salaama) and asked him: What do you say (command) about our wives? He replied: Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them. (Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Number 2139). Another example of what the Messenger of Allah (sallalahu `alayhi wa salaama) said, "Could any of you beat his wife as he would beat a slave, and then lie with her in the evening?" Abusing women is not of Islam. That is why I cannot write of it. It simply doesn't exist in the Qu'ran and the authentic sunnah. So ladies, protect yourselves with knowledge and teach those brothers who have forgotten. Don't let them abuse you or control you, ya 'Allah.

It is one of your duties in Islam, to protect the oppressed. Do not let yourself BE oppressed, or let another oppress another without offering them refuge, or you are failing in your duties as a righteous Muslim, and you are ebing disobediant of the laws of Allah (subhanhu wa ta ala) and His Messenger (sallalahu `alayhi wa salaama). Sister, PLEASE, I beg you, do not marry a "Muslim male" is he is not practicing, and DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT MARRIAGE until you know about the rights of Muslim women in Islam and about the IDEAL MUSLIM MAN so you know what to ask in the process of determining if someone is right for you. BELIEVE ME, it will save you all the grief and heartbreak and stress IN THE WORLD to have a partner that increases your faith, rather than being a "hottie" or temporary provider whose real honesty you have no means of assessing. You have to question him about his aqeedah, his expectations of Muslim men, as well as his epectations of Muslim women. Don't marry a hypocrite. Khadijah, the Prophet's first wife, waited until a good man came along, and she married the best one. Have her patience, and don't rush into anything blindly or stupidly. Begin with an Islamic foundation, or your husband will have no reason to deal with anything else in the marriage Islamically. Not even its ending.

9 comments:

essenceoftimeandearth said...

very very very well written. thanks!!!

Pixie said...

essenceoftimeandearth: InshaAllah it will be a good warning for some to prevent them from marrying the wrong guy or marrying for the wrong reasons and a wake up the rest of us.

Habibti said...

what is the ideal muslim man¬
what questions to ask to a man
i have no idea

Sarita said...

Thank you for these word!

But I get frustrated when a unislamic man do not respect my privacy and faith...

Pixie said...

Habibti: The ideal muslim man wants to follow the sunnah in as many things in HIS life as he is able, the same as he is expecting his wife to. I suggest reading the books "The Ideal Muslimah" which highlights the things a Muslim woman is supposed to be, and reading "The Ideal Muslim" which highlight what you should be looking for in a husband, at the same time as looking to see if you guys get along and are attracted to eachother.

Pixie said...

Sarita: Me too!

Amirah said...

Assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullahi wabaraketu! Beautiful post again, sister. JazakaAllah khair. I just loved it. :-)

Habibti said...

thanks i will look for these books

Pixie said...

Amirah: jazzakallahkheiran.