Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Why I haven't Posted

Sorry I am not posting. I dislocated my arm and it is swollen and hurts too much. Give me two days:P Maybe some Jum'a Thoughts and a fashion post---my best buys for Eid and Ramadan:D

Monday, July 27, 2009

Breakfast at Tiffany's Abaya Set

Sooooo elegant. A "tiffany box blue" hijab, white abaya, little black book, oversized sunglasses, and a pearl bracelet, and voila!

White jilbab/abaya from for $54.99 USD.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

As salaam alaykom ramatullah wa barakato

Asalaam alaykom ramatullah wa barakato my sisters:

I am going to be posting a little less fashion for this Ramadaan (excepting Eid outfits and gift ideaas:D) and focussing more on my deen by doing Islamic posts. Hope nobody minds. Love you all for the sake of Allah subhanhu wa ta ala and I wish you a blessed month of Sha`baan, ameen.

For Umi: what the Bible says about Islam and why Muslims don`t follow the Bible

This video above shows with quotes from the Qu'ran and the ahadiths and the Christian Bible the commands to call the prayer, wash for the prayer, and motions for the prayer.

This video below shows the proofs and prophecies in the old and new testaments of the Christian Bible that foretold the coming of the Prophet Mohammed sallalahu alahi wa salaam:

And why Muslims do not follow the Bible (I studied archeology and history and after studying the subject, I just couldn`t BE a Christian---but the Qu`ran's sources had not changed, unlike the Bible):

AND this is what was banned from the Bible`s sources:

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Friday, July 24, 2009

NEW FEATURE: Niqabi Diary

I have decided to make this a new feature of ILOVEHISHMA. Since I have decided to start wearing niqab, inshaAllah, when I leave my job (I put in my notice for Aug. 20th), I thought I'd document my experiences, so those considering it can know what to think.

July 24th, 2009

Well today, since my husband would not be able to accompany me out to the Masjid, I decided to wear niqab. I do this for two reasons. A. I AM most comfrotable this way. and B. the brothers coming to the Masjid for Jum'aa deserve it from all the sisters in our city for us to wear good khimar and jilbab and practice good hijab so they CAN serriously make no excuse for any lack of hijab on their part, ever.

I put on a black abaya, and a very light and breathable black flip-niqab from Oman. It doesn't have a string and I NEED a string (since this thing slips up into my eyes without a string), but it is the lightest most breathable niqab fabric so I didn't care. I flipped the flip part of the niqab to one side, and pinned it into place with a white flower hair pin (that has a crystal center---found in a bridal accessories sale). People find the black niqab less threatening with a big giant sparkly flower strapped to the side of it.

The girls at the hair salon next to my flat are all smiles at me when I walk by and so is the middleaged Doctor who was having a lemonade break outside his offices (but then, these people know me on a daily basis of me running errands and being, ya know, normal, in the village). And the Doctor has always been kind in a normal way to me and my husband, saying goodmorning to us as if we were anyother married couple out for a stroll in the village.

Walking by myself down the street towards downtown people passed peacefully without even too much staring, until I heard a group of four teens from across the street. "Tell her to take that mask off her face" one of the boys (cowardly) urges another. "She's white" says the girl with them. Yes, even forty feet away and nothing but my hands and eyelids showing, the glare of my hands, and the odd green-ish grey of my eyes remains noticeable. I am no Saudi-exchange student.

"I can also speak English, so I can hear AND understand you," I say as they cross the cross walk to intersect with me. "I am a convert to Islam, and my family has lived in this city since the 1800s." Canada isn't even all that old, and my city, relatively young, so this makes some impression.

The cowardly one (urging his idiot friend to tell me to take off my mask but unwilling to do so himself) pipes up. "I am one third Pakistani."

So you want to fit in here, I get it. I am not afraid of anyone but Allah when it comes to my identity as a Muslim.

Idiot (might be drunk) friend decides to pipe up. "I am nine inches and you can have me in you"

Yes, because in ANY other circumstance it is TOTALLY okay to propose sex to a stranger on the street in a threatening way. But you know, I am a Muslim woman. And I am veiled. So I don't deserve the same rights as another plain dressed woman walking down the street. If he saw me in what I was wearing under my abaya (chiffon floaty knee-length dress and stretchy sweater with hair in a bun and diamond drop earrings---underneath I look like a ballet dancer on the way to practice at the studio) I'm sure the incident would not have happened. But it is because the media objectifies Muslim women, and especially the munaqaba woman.

"No thank-you," I politely decline, not threatened, but almost laughing. The guy is not sexually attractive whatsoever, to make such a statement. Never in my life would I ever contemplate dating the guy. These "crony-type Men" always propose sex in a rape like way when they feel out of control. It is something I have learned from past experiences (but that is another story entirely).

The girl's eyes follows me as I move away, and she is left with those sad two, the man that feels sexually and physically threatened by diminuative but empowered me enough to act out like an evil pig, and the other, that is afraid of not fitting in. I saw that she did not hate me, fear me, objectify me. She doesn't know what I look like exactly, but she saw ME. My essence. And it was essentially normal, and it was STRONG, and DIRECTED. I know the look of being lost one's self. And realizing it. That was her look, helpless and lost.

I continued one way, she went another, may Allah guide her (she's the only one out of the three that was intelligent enough and maybe strong enough to increase in any kind of understanding but Allah knows best).

There's alot of construction on the luxury end of the downtown stretch between my more artsy humble area (we can call the area I was walking towards the uptown downtown) so I passed by alot of construction workers. Two gaped, but most went on with their work normally, which is something that never happened when I was a non-muslim ESL teacher and men from the construction sites would actually leave the worksite to try and give me their phone numbers (and I was never the sexy one--I am more the librarian bookish girl type---lol I learned to dress more sexy after I started wearing abaya and met alot of arab women:D).

I have to mention, even before Islam, I never recieved a cat-call in my life, or a whistle. I always understood that how we presented ourselves in clothing represented the level of respect we would eventually recieve from strangers. Men ALWAYS treated me with respect because I dressed like a woman who deserved to be treated that way (although they still saw me as approachable in respectful-but-still-sexual way). My bestfriends (still not Muslims) Am and B always wondered how I found the "hopelessly dedicated" one guy in the nightclub, when B found the weekend fun guy, and Am the creep [and lol, I gotta mention, I never kept a phone number or gave out mine since I didn't want find my true love in a bar]. It was, I told them, because of how we dressed. I dressed in a way that was intimidating for all but those who were serrious. One of Am and B's string of boyfriend's put it as, "[Pixie] dresses like a man wants his wife to dress." The creeps, and the immature, could read clearly, that they need not apply. My husband said that when he first saw me as a teacher in his ESL school (I was never his teacher and did not know him as a student---I only met him at my going-away party from when I left the school) what he liked about me was how I dressed. A childhood friend put it best. "Some women, how they dress, says I want to be touched. Some women dress in a way that says I need to be held. You are the kind of a woman, that when I man sees you, he knows this is a woman he cannot just touch, he has to hold her."

My niqab says, I am beyond the touching and holding of all of those on the street. It says, my beauty is for myself and for Allah.

I think it is good for the men (male construction workers). And the older ones looked like they were thinking of their daughters when I passed by. Or maybe that is because they remind me of my father. I think they were thinking, what would I do if my daughter dressed like that? It would ease some of my problems but it would make her life hard, almost impossible to get a job, get married, lol. Of course I cannot read minds.

I cross up the cross-walk up to the mall. Most people don't stare. Women in their thirties or over DO. And they are, in my experience, the worst when it comes to prejudice. Young tween girls are capable of making ignorant comments among themselves, but at least don't stare and get off telling someone else how to live their lives, lol.

But believe it or not, I am totally aware of not a single man enjoying the sight of my face. I feel comfortable and less self-concsious. And people know that I am Muslim. And they see my little flower. It shows that I got my own way of dressing. They seem to like to hear me talking in plain English on my cell as I prepare to meet up with my little sister. They like to eavsedrop and smile at my conversation, so normal, so NOT what they expected.

My sister and I hug outside a bookstore. She's in skinny jeans and a longish white tee, and pink gelly flip-flops. She's got a bit of cleavage. My sister is the curvy one. I am a bit too slim. People seem awed by our pairing. As if I am not supposed to be able to hold a conversation with a non-scarf wearing female. We break down a billion stereotypes.

BTW, my sister is fine with my Islamic clothing. She says she can still see me in everything that I wear. That I cannot hide myself in anything less than a blue afghani chador with mesh. We joke about my father finding out that I am going to be wearing niqab.

It is summer. Jane is not the most naked chica out there, so it hardly draws any attention whatsovever, till we hit up the Masjid. Then I feel uncomfortable, because the Arab guys think that she is Arab (she can pass for Saudi or Mexican) and do notice her. But they see her with me, and tend to give her a little more respect than eyeing her up as potential convert-marriage meat soon to be on the market---that'd probably happen if she arrived by herself. They'd see her as somebody's girlfriend. Instead of a Muslimah's guest.

We put Jane in a cotton prayer garment in the masjid (which she informs me smells like BO) and she looks soooooooooooo cute. Women say salaam to her, and she responds a bit hesitantly in English "and upon you" to let them know they've made a msitake and she is NOT a Muslim. I, of course, can take of my niqab since there are no men in our side. Then we head back downtown for shopping, Jane rejecting the prayer garment (lol). We have to buy her some jewelry to go with her dress for my civil-service weddings (btw way, Boxie, I found a glam blue [not seafoam]pashmina and it'd look sweet with anything white that you own if you want to wear it for my day]. Only one woman in the stores there give me that odd look that you know isn't curious, but hey, she's working in a store for trendy 20-somethings, and she kinda looks like she's in her late 40s. The young girls of Le Chateau are helpful, and understand that I know what I am doing when it comes to styling stuff, and we can discuss fashion with no barriers and lots of smiles.

We are done our day, Jane catches the bus home. I go grocery shopping. I hear a little boy ask his father why I am wearing what I am wearing. The father says, "Because that is her religion, she is a Muslim." The little boy keeps staring. "But why is she wearing so much black." I laugh and come up to the little boy and wink. "I wear this colour because I don't like to get as dirty as I would be if I wore white or lighter colours. I only wear my pink one for weddings because I am so messy," and I lift the hem of my abaya to show the boy my feet that are kinda grey with dirt. Both him and the father smile. The girl at the checkout is completely normal. I walk down the last stretch of road before my flat and see two arab guys drive by. Don't be ashamed of your deen brothers, I silently urge them, and then, in my home, I flip up my niqab, pray Asr, and then take it off. Day one on the journey to niqab recorded.

Pixie is going nude.... Not really:p: a beige niqab

So I recently purchased a forest green flip niqab from this site and because they were late shipping it out, they included a free beige niqab. I am going, hmmm, I would never have thought to order a beige niqab. How will I wear that? I wondered, and then I was like, well nude was a BIG trend this spring, so I can add turquoise accessories like Sandra Bullock, or nude patent pumps and little (teeny bit) of sparkle like Eva Longoria. Mauve would look nice too. Actually, it was nice of them to throw in a spare niqab. BTW, know that, in restaurants too, you are welcome to screw up Pixie's order any time if her dinner comes free:D
I could rock it with pink pumps---champagne satin----cherry red. LOL, anything so long it is not as see-through as Angelina's beige number, or as tight as Mariah's usual style (and this is the most modest I've SEEN Mariah in a long time). Go beige niqab, go. Fly to me, from across the seas:D

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Waking up for Fajr

My goal this month is to pray the two sunnah prayer before fajr comes in. And before that, to practice for Ramadaan, having suhoor (a small meal) before the adhan. Let's see if I can do it:p

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Today I Cried at Work

Today I cried at work. Something I have managed not to do on serveral tear-worthy occasions.

Was it because of that racist lady that refuses to let me serve her? No. Was it because someone asked me if I was wearing a halloween costume (in July)? Nope. Was is that crazy old bat that says I am not Canadian anymore if I wear a scarf and am thus not entitled to employment. Nada.

So what was it?! you might wonder. It was running into a fellow ESL teacher (in case you didn't know, I also used to teach ESL). She was telling me about her new students.

Guess what country they were from?

Clue number 1, they come to class drunk. Clue number 2, they come on waaaaay too strong for the shy Asian girls. Clue number 3 they hit on their teacher asking her if she'd be willing to change her religion.

They were Saudi.

Don't get me wrong. My husband is Saudi. There alot of Saudi brothers out there better Muslims than my husband. His words, lol, not mine. I'm not hating on Saudis, or even Muslim men.

I am hatin' on Saudis who THINK they are Muslims (cuz of birth, not practice) who are invading my city and taking advantage of MY sisters (non-Muslim Canadian girls).
btw way this is a random pic of Saudi esl students and I am not saying any of these guys whatsoever is bad example of his countrymen and Islam

They come here, on government money (Saudi). They rent an apartment in a luxe downtown space for $1000.00. They spend another $1000.00 on expenses. Eating out in fancy restaurants every night, going shopping, nice celi, ya know. Their tuition is already paid for. And you know what they are studying here? Not their uni. . They are studying ENGLISH. Not as a degree, but to speak. And Emirati dudes too.

They miss their classes cuz they stayed up to late and are hungover, or they show up still drunk. They hit on their teachers. They hit on the shy Japanese girls. They study pick up lines and how to lie to girls in english more than the reading and vocab they'll need to enter an English-speaking university. They find some non-muslim girls who have no concept of self-respect. As a non-Muslim woman raised in the Western world myself I know that world is one of materialism and survival of the sexually-attractive-fittest. These girls are taught that their only value is their attractiveness and what they have or are capable of buying (through career or what not). So these girls meet these guys, charming, foriegn, who say they love their bodies, even if they are not curvy, or are too curvy... and they meet these guys who find them attractive, who take them out for dinner, take them shopping , tell them they wish they could marry them, that they deserve to be treated better than Canadian guys treat them (and then these girls TOTALLY change their whole lives around for these guys) and then the guy tell them he can't marry them because they're not Muslim but he would if such a small thing wouldn't matter to his mother...

And then, cuz they've taken these girls shopping, and out to dinner, and bought them drinks at the nightclubs, they ask their families to send them more money for expenses.

In my opinion, Saudi men need maharams. They need their Mom's. They shouldn't be allowed to come here without their mothers. I am serrious. The one's that have Mom's here, mashaAllah, they're pretty good brothers. Even the one's that have their sisters with them are better than the one's without.

I nearly cried when she told me her story. Because I was angry. Because I was hurt for the sake of our Ummah. They want the West to become Muslim? Why, so they can all order halal Chinese food as take-out without worrying about pork in that?! Is that ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!?! Is that all the makes us Muslim? You can eat your halal chinese food take-out from the Western chinese food joint while seducing some Canadian girl with no self-respect (not because she is immoral---but because her culture has not taught her the value of a woman). And I want to wear niqab.

I was kicked out by MY OWN FAMILY to practice Islam in my WESTERN country. I had them drive behind me HURLING insults at me, because I DIDN'T WANT TO insult MY DEEN by dating, wearing tight clothes, drinking.... I WANTED TO BE A MUSLIM in every possible way.

And you, come from an Islamic country, and have to bring haraam to mine. Mine that is ALREADY enough haraam for me to deal with, without having MORE PEOPLE confused about Islam like you are doing.

BE the society that you want to live in BY EMBODYING IT. That is all that it takes. All that it takes if for you to BE MUSLIM.

No offense, I mean, I won't call you an apostate or run around town lashing you eighty lashes, Canada's muttawa, but you AREN'T a Muslim if you aren't BEING a Muslim. And I am gonna start telling you this. I am not going to go out of my way, looking for your sins, but I am going to forbid evil when I see it.

You can say, this is Canada. So does that mean, if you die here, you'll still go to Jannah? Hmmm.

These girls don't know any better. The guy at the liquor store and the waiter at the restaurant you buy your booze from, they don't know any better. They are kuffar. Disbelievers. They have not the guidance of the Qu'ran, the MERCY of that, that we have. I was once one of them. As a woman, of this country, I beg you, know HOW lucky you are. And how at a disadvantage they are.

Your sister is only a woman with self-respect because she has Islam. Your mother is only a woman who has self-respect because she HAS Islam.

YOU are trash if you are not practicing Islam. Because you had the mercy with no struggle, and the guidance, without having also to face rejection, and you STILL put it aside, leading others to sin. And you know what, if they don't know the sin of their actions, Allah subhanhu wa ta ala might just hold you responsible. Because you know better... and they don't. And don't pretend you don't avoid me when I am in my my abaya and hijab and you are out with a girl who has NO IDEA you don't intend to treat her Islamically and marry her (which is her right in Islam).

I just cant understand you. Or forgive you... without reformation. I want an Islamic nation. And you make my sinful nation even worse than it was before you, a MUSLIM, came.

La illah il Allah. May Allah guide you. May I be guided as well, ameen, 'cause I recently read this post by and came out with something extroidinary from the text [I'll re-post a bit of it]:
"Authoo bilahi minash shaytaani rajeem.
Allah subahnu wa ta'ala says, in Surah Ma’oon:

أَرَأَيْتَ الَّذِي يُكَذِّبُ بِالدِّينِ
فَذَلِكَ الَّذِي يَدُعُّ الْيَتِيمَ
وَلَا يَحُضُّ عَلَى طَعَامِ الْمِسْكِينِ
Have you seen the one who denies the Repayment?
For that is the one who drives away the orphan, and does not encourage the feeding of the poor.
[Surah Ma'oon, verses 1-3]

Notice the connection here–verse one, the one who denies Ad-Deen, the Day of Repayment. And verse two and three? He drives away orphans, He doesn’t encourage feeding of the poor. It’s not that he doesn’t feed the poor. It’s that he doesn’t encourage feeding the poor.
If you’re a Muslim, and you practice your five pillars, you’re giving zakah, and chances are it’s going to poor people (two of the eight categories of eligible zakah recipients).But are you encouraging feeding of the poor?"
MashaAllah, what a great post Mev, and it made me think. Alot of the ayaat in the Qu'ran that speak of Jannah say that it is for those who encourage righteousness. So it is not enough for me to be righteous, if I do not also encourage others to good deeds and righteousness. So it is not enough for my husband and I to be righteous ourselves and not encourage our brothers in Islam to the same. So the next time I see a brother doing something haraam I am going to "gently" encourage him towards something righteous, in the example of the Prophet sallalahu alahi wa salaam when he spoke to the woman of the sahaba : Narrated by Asmaa: Allah’s Apostle passed by a group of women near the mosque. He waved his hand to them in salutation and said: "Beware of being ungrateful to your husbands, beware of being ungrateful to your husbands.”
I will say something like, "Islam is a gift brother, and do not deprive this woman you are with of it. Let her know her rights in Islam which is to have a man lower his gaze from her, and to not touch her, without offering first to marry her. Such are the rights Allah has given her. Guard yourself from evil."
Allah give me the strength to, not only speak righteously, and be righteous, but encourage others to do so as well. Ameen.


an old Modesty-Makeover from BM: Kierra Knightley

I still love that Empire-waist dress Kierra Knightley wore a few years ago so much, so of course I had to re-post this old Beautiful Muslimah set, even though almost all the items in the set are sold out. Isn't it pretty?

Sporty Spice: Abaya and Hijab Set

I was shopping for hijabs and I found this fab grey shayla that so perfectly matches my grey workout jilbab. Shayla available for $7.90 USD, and not only does it come with they grey and black hijab, but is comes in a set of three. I like the lace up pink one too, and it is too pretty for the gym. These are great sets for the sister looking to increase her hijab drawer. Three hijabs for ten dollars USD? I'm all for that.
Grey workout jilbab from for $30.99 GBP.
JUST A NOTE FROM MYSELF, when working out, I wear modest fit pants and wear a jilbab over. I cut my jilbab so that is has a side split so that is allows my movements, when running or rock climbing (which are two sports I personally do regularily). As for hijab, I tend to wear a stretchy al-amira made from swim suit material and I pin my shayla over top, partially tucky the back portion of the shayla into my clothing, and pinning the front portion with saftey pint so that id doesn't fly off my chest and over my face. Niqabis advise doing the same thing with niqab---pin it to the chest to prevent it from flying up in action.

Street-Style in the Gulf

Some random street-style pics that, now, that I've posted them, I can remove them off my lap-top:D

UPDATE @ what's going on at ILOVEHISHMA

So me and my husband have been talking and I've decided to start wearing niqab as soon as my job for the bank I work for is over. InshaAllah, my husband is worried for me, but he supports me, lol, even if he thinks it is mustahaab, rather than wajib. Alhamdulilah. Don't worry! I still love hijab fashion and will keep posting on that, inshaAllah:P
I have also been asked to be interviewed about niqab and the role of the munaqaba in Islamic and Western societies, to inform and break down stereo-types, and talk about key issues like integration, a woman's right to chose hijab, protecting women from anyone who would force them to it (their compulsion should be to Allah subhanhu wa ta'ala and NOT any mortal being is my take on it), ect.... So InshaAllah something good will come of that.
And after Eid I shall be reporting from UAE, and other Gulf countries:D Boxie and I will be making more style videos for ILOVEHISHMA, inshaAllah, and it'll be so much fun:p Also, lol, you'll have to visit our online souq, when th website is posted:D
Sorry if I have been so busy, not posting comments or responses to the comments like I do usually, like within five hours of them being made. I haven't even answered alot of friends' emails. SO I have alot of requests, especially for Jum'a Thoughts, issues ranging from the ayah in the Qu'ran often taken out of context to be read "beat" a woman, to slavery, and an illustrated guide to jilbab that has been in the works a long while. Since these posts require alot of research (and often of a classic Arabic grammatical nature), bear with. They take me some time to make clear and in-offensive. When I rush them, lol, someone always gets offended. I am also working on my civil ceremony wedding for my parents to attend, and that's been great and crazy, and booking flights and playing around with itinerary and our budget has been a greta maze of delights. So please bear with. More fashion is coming your way inshaAllah, and as we all prepare for Ramadaan, more Jum'a Thoughts.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Summer Job Set with Black Abaya

A silk trench is light enough to layer over a black abaya indoors.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Summer Street-Heat Abaya

I know it is ironic, but I find the fabric of my black abayas are always lighter and cooler than my coloured ones. No matter what brand, unless you sew your own, they just don't make the coloured fabric abayaat the same quality as black abayaat from the khlaeej. And I don't wanna be hot. So in the summer I usually opt to wear shorts under my abaya (unless I am visiting women, then I wear a long skirt or at-least capri length pants) and a tee or tank, and cover up with a quality fabric black abaya. I have a plain black abaya which is a wardrobe fave, since I get to mix and match it up with 'bout everything I have. An oversize black bag from Suzy Shier ($25.00 CAD) and python-print gladiator sandals (I post heels in my collages but don't encourage you to wear them---they look more visual in a collage but in IRL under the hem of an abaya a heel or a flat the fat looks the same and is close to what the sahaba would have worn). With some cute costumer rings (love fake emeralds) :D and a bottle of water, I am good for hitting the streets to make it out on all my errands and sight-seeing:P

Plain black abaya from (just cut off the tassels). I LOVE THE WEBSITE it is from, btw.

Random Trip Pics

Yay!!!! They kept their thobes on to do sports!!! Yay! LOL.


LOL, that's me hitch-hiking in KSA. Mecca: I wanna go!!!!!!

Just joking, I'd never hitch-hike in the Gulf:P

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Turkish Abiye

Personally, I take inspiration from Turkish hijab fashion, and find it cover okay, but it is always too tight. Love the colour of the yellow abiye on top though.
Another thing I (personally-not Islamically) don't like is boleros. They do the jobb, sure, but make a young woman look matronly. I just don't have a thing for them. Boleros and Pixie are NOT attracted to eachother.
This one, the cut AND colour is fabulous. And it even has a bolero (which I would reject, and only wear the dress:P) with a loose cardigan and more chest covering hijab.
Turkish take on the maxi.
I love the yellow hijab.
The print is definately zany enough for me but the cut is tight tigh tight. Colour and print, soooo cute. Tightness=hijab crash and burn.
This is my favourite look of the collection, and it also has a bolero. Which means, I personally, wouldn't wear any of it (as previously explained) but this would look on another sister. The last look is very pretty.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Cafe Society--to Jum'a

This is an old set I made. I love the niqab and abaya, and I'd wear with with brown flats to the masjid, and cute brown brocade flats after (I'd also do a purple patent kitten heel) lol, but I am too lazy to remake my collage. The abaya was from IslamOrient, and the niqab was from ebay.

Jum'a Thoughts: Are Male "Friends" Halal?

Salaam Alaykom my sisters! Jum'ua mubarak to you. Today's topic is going to be friendships/relations between Muslim women and non-maharam men. One of the questions I recently got paged with, was, "is it halaal for me to hug my male friends?" This question disheartened me because I could not in good conscience, just say, no, it is not halal for you to touch non-maharam male for a social or even Islamic purpose (the only purpose being, accidental touch from crowds, or a medical reason for contact such one or the other of you is tending to the wounds or condition of the other) because that still would leave this sister in a state she is obviously trying to avoid, but I will answer her question first:

Question: Is it halal for me to hug [/touch] a male friend? as a Muslim woman?
Answer: Even with the best intentions, and the purest hearts, the answer is no. The Prophet sallalahu alahi wa salaam said: "It is better for one of you to be pierced by a steel pin in his head than to touch the hand of a non-maharam woman." [Al-Mundhiri mentions that all the narrators of this hadith are trustworthy. Al-Albani classifies it as a good hadith in Ghayah al-Maram (no. 403).] The same goes for women touching non-maharam men, other than tending fatal wounds or in conditions in cases of emergancy, which other ahadith allow, such as in the battles of Jihad against the Quraysh. Even for Islamic instructions and occasions, men and women did not touch. The Prophet sallalahu alahi wa salaam never shook hands with an unrelated woman. Umaymah b. Raqiqah said: "I came to the Prophet sallalahu alahi wa salaam with a group of the women of Madinah to swear fealty for Islam. The women informed Allah's Messenger sallalahu alahi wa salaam that they wished to swear fealty to him. The Prophet sallalahu alahi wa salaam said: 'I do not shake hands with women. The way I accept the pledge from one woman is the same as with one hundred women [which was documented to be verbally]." [al-Muwatta', Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Sunan al-Nasa'i and Sunan Ibn Majah]. It is known that when men wanted to enter into Islam, they used to do bay'ah with the Prophet where they agree to abide by his commands and avoid anything he prohibits. Then they used to seal this by shaking hands with the Prophet. However, with women, the Prophet used to never shake their hand and simply complete the bay'ah with words. And who can have a more pure heart than Prophet Mohammad sallalahu alahi wa salaam , who said "I do not shake hands with women"? The Prophet's wife Aisha also said: "No, by Allah, Prophet Mohammad's hand never touched a women at all, and he used to take bay'ah from them by words". May Allah subhanhu wa ta'ala make the answer apparent to one who seeks it, and easy to obey, ameen.

The person asking the question mentioned male friends. A Muslim woman does not share her personal life with non-maharam men, as mixing of men in women in Islam is in most cases haraam (sinful/harmful to mankind), and the rest makruh (disliked). The Holy Qu'ran describes the role of men and women like this, "The Believers, men and women, are protectors one of another" [Holy Qu'ran 9:71]. It also states that women and men were created to be spouses of one another, but I'll admit, I am too lazy too look that ayah up cuz I'd have to make wudu to get my Qu'ran out, lol. I'll try and add it later, inshaAllah or someone else can try and beat me and add it in the comments section:D It does not say anywhere in ahadith or Qu'ran that men and women's role towards eachother should be anything more than as protectors, or if married or related, caregivers and providers. Friendship between spouses was cherished in the forms of being playful with one another, confiding in one another, pleasing eachother, and physically taking care of one another. Unmarried men and women who played the role of protectors in society, were discouraged from entering on the private places of one another:

Narrated by 'Uqba bin 'Amir: Allah's Apostle said, "Beware of entering homes or rooms in which non-maharam ladies are." A man from the Ansar said, "Allah's Apostle! What about (Al-Hamu) the in-laws of the wife (the brothers of her husband or his nephews etc.)?" The Prophet replied: The in-laws of the wife are death itself.” In this hadith we see that men were told not to purposefully go to the same places as non-maharam women. This also applies to women, as explained after the next hadith.
Narrated by Abu Huraira: A group of women came to Allah’s Prophet and said to him: “We cannot attend your majlis (gathering) of men, so, appoint us a day to come to you (alone).” He said: “We will meet at the house of so and so.” He went to them on the specified date and place. Among what he said at that day to the present women was “any woman who rises up three children for the sake of Allah will enter paradise.” One woman said: “And two?” “And two,” the Prophet said. This hadith illuustrates that is was known to the women of the Sahaba (may Allah be pleased with them) that they also should not purposefully enter into the company of non-maharam men. They also knew not to speak uneccessarily in the presence of non-maharam men. Narrated by Abu Huraira : The Prophet said, "The saying 'Sub Han Allah' is for men and clapping is for women i.e." (If something happens during the prayer talking is not allowed, except the men can invite the attention of the Imam by saying "Sub Han Allah (i.e. Glorified be Allah )", and women, by clapping their hands). But saying that exchange of asalaam alaykom may be given between men and women when there is not fear of temptation, and conversation may occur with good intention. Narrated by Asmaa: Allah’s Apostle passed by a group of women near the mosque. He waved his hand to them in salutation and said: "Beware of being ungrateful to your husbands, beware of being ungrateful to your husbands.” And, Narrated by Anas bin Malik: The Prophet passed by a woman who was sitting and weeping beside a grave and said to her, "Fear Allah and be patient." So we may socially inform, question, and Islamically greet and advice our non-maharam brothers and sisters in Islam, but this is the extent of the mixing between men and women in Islam. It certainly was NOTHING like a "platonic" relationship between a man and a woman popular outside of Islam.

When scholars warn against the free mixing of men and women, they are not talking about the mere presence of men and women together in the same place. This is something that is definitely not prohibited by Islamic Law. Men and women gathered in the same place at the time of the Prophet sallalahu alahi wa salaam in the mosque and in the marketplace. They walked down the same roads and public thoroughfares. The mere presence of men and women in the same area is not a great cause for temptation. It would be wrong to treat this as unlawful mixing, since the reason for prohibiting free mixing does not exist in such circumstances. If someone were to prohibit men and women from frequenting the same public places under the pretext of preventing temptation, this would be taking matters to an extreme and imposing a restriction that is unduly severe. Such a policy is, moreover, unnatural and would impose great hardships on people's lives.

We cannot compare situations like these to the general presence of men and women at shops and other open public places, especially when women are accompanied by their family. In such cases, there is no intimacy, no crowding, and no reason for suspicion. Preventing women from public places frequented by men in order to prevent temptation would be taking things to an extreme. A woman is commanded in Islam not to come too close to men. She is not, however, prohibited from going to places where men are present as long as she does not approach them or place herself in a position where she is alone with them. There can be no doubt that preventative legislation is an important part of Islamic Law. There are numerous rulings in Islam that are preventative in nature. However, this does not mean that we can legislate against every remote possibility of wrongdoing that we can think of. Doing so would be a violation of Islam's tolerance and magnanimity and its ease of application. It would place too great a burden upon the believers.

People might differ as to the degree of mixing that is prohibited. We can, nonetheless, get a good approximation of proper limits by reviewing the laws of Islam that govern the relationship between men and women. The sacred texts provides ample evidence about how and when men and women can meet, how women should dress and conduct themselves when they go outside, and many other pertinent matters. It is impossible for free mixing between men and women to occur if Islamic Law is properly observed. (the last bit was taken word for word from here As I felt it was a good explaination, and contains more evidences than I have provided. Just think about it (I know it can be hard, being a non-muslim with male friends in the past myself) but in the Holy Qu'ran Allah subhanu wa ta'ala says "Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them." and says: "And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty." [Surah al-Nur: 30-31]. This shows us how men and women are to conduct themselves. So how I am going to bestest best platonic budies, with a man I am not supposed to be looking at, and who I am speaking to only in a modest manner (speech not soft and informal on the basis of subject---I am not speaking to him unecessarily, only to inform, teach, help/do a job I must/ give dawah, greet, ect)? I am not. I am going to be his protector in the public sphere. Only if I am married to him, or his sister of daughter or neice, ect... am I going to by pleasing and easing and playful. He, the same to me.

Here are some great posts on the subject I enjoyed reading by others sister:
LET'S GET REAL ABOUT FORNICATION -what counts as fornication and adultery in Islam
LET'S CHAT -adab between brothers and sisters online and outside

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

K, so I was looking for wedding thobes...

So I was looking for wedding thobes (Daglah), and I found this crazy site which sells designer thobes, so let your Muslim men know about it:P So if you wanna buy him something for Eid... ya know.

Muslim Online Matchmaking Sites

pic from Abaya Chic's blog

WHAT the heck?! HOT, SEXY MUSLIMAH looking for... marriage? Yes, the topic of today is... ONLINE DATING---Muslim Matchmaking Sites. Yay!
I bet you all wanna know what I think about these. I have good opinions. But we'll do the bad first.

Do you drink... answer (yes) (sometimes) (socially) (never).
Um, it BETTER be never. What is that question even DOING THERE! Muslims don't drink! And if they do, we shouldn't be marrying them.
What colour is your hair?
Uh... okay... why doesn't it have a "I'd rather not say option"... like men do, when it asks if they have a beard or not. Didn't I select [female] instead of [male] as my gender? That's why I don't have the beard question with the, "I refrain from publishing that option", but I, the Muslim woman, who wears the hijab ON MY HEAD, have to tell you what colour my hair is, and the whole WORLD CAN SEE it, litterally, if not physically?! Um, I don't think so. So I selected blonde as my hair colour:P. Cuz you know, the question is stupid, and my real hair is black, take that rude online sign up profiles!
What colour is your skin?
Why in hell should that matter when you get married to someone? What a racist site. But they are ALL like this. And you don't get to hide ANY of this information. I chose white. I also said I was five foot one, petite, age 20, virgin, never married, Muslim for two months, wears niqab. I basically made myself seem as naive and helpless as I could to see what weirdos would try and take advantage of that:P
So I made up my fake profile so I could write about my results. One sister used to do this keep track of online perverts and bad profiles. So I gave it a twirl the way she used to wing it. Blonde naive and impressionable pretty young revert who knows very little about her religion makes a VERY good peice of bait... LOL---even without a picture (which I would NEVER put up on one of those sites---a good Muslim man will only need your pic AFTER he's agreed to marry you just BEFORE the nikah).
Anyways, I got alot of chat pop ups with brothers requesting to chat. Some were straight out pervs. I realized that generally any guy that requested to chat outside of the online space provided by the matchmaking site, were interested in chatting to girls (or straight out pervs) not really guys looking for marriage. So say no to giving out your MSN, or email, or telephone number ladies. Tell them you aren't on the site to chat, you are there to find a good Muslim man with the soul intention of marriage. Also, any guy that requests you send him your picture, don't. Say you don't feel comfortable doing so online, but if he is serrious about marriage, you will let him meet with you in person (supervised setting with an arrange wali) before the actual nikah. A good Muslim brother will deal with you islamically, and not ask for things outside the purpose of finding out if you two are right for marriage within the shariah.
Ask him why he wants to get married, and check out his profile before you accept him as a contact and respond to his messages. See if he is already married, what he's looking for in marriage and question him accordingly. If you don't like his reason for getting married, ditch him. Lots of men have stupid selfish reasons for getting married. The same goes for brothers. There are some lazy gold-diggers out there who just want a free meal ticket, and these sisters might wear niqab (but only so they don't have to work) but they don't pray five times a day. Find out what he wants/expects from marriage. Outline the same for yourself. Don't tolerate less than that. You'll lose or reject the creepers here.
Then question his deen. What he thinks about partitions/multiple wives/hijab for men and hijab for women/ tauhid/ family/ kids/ where you'll live, what you'll do...Touchy subjects will reveal what kind of Muslim he is... And if he doesn't ask much about you besides cooking and cleaning--like if, he isn't interested in your deen, beware. That's my advice. I managed to find a half dozen really good practicing brothers, some wanting to live in the states and some wanting to move back to Egypt and KSA... SO ladies, they are out there, but so are some really cultural creeps, and some perverts, and some weirdos, and some dudes that aren't right for you... So the things is, be strong in your deen. You should be looking for the ideal Muslim man. HIS personality (on tip of his deen) depends on YOUR personality, lol. I like to think of the men of the Sahaba, may Allah be pleased with them. Umar, strong but forceful (almost my type, lol). Ali (kind and considerate... not my type exactly though). Abu Bakr (honest, loyal, mentally and spiritually stong) [mashaAllah is all I can say]. Zaid (loved Allah and His Messenger so much).... I think the TYPE of personality depends on the woman, so knowing yourself, and how you want a person to react to things is important. But get the deen and character sorted out first. Then figure out personality. Then figure out living arrangements, kids, money, families, ect...
So conclusion, these sites work just fine but remember chatting to a man online without the purpose of finding out for marriage or increasing your deen or helping him with his is a fitnah so use them responsibly, and Islamically, always keeping an eye out to protect yourself from trolls:P

Green Niqab

Green niqab from

Green abaya from

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Pretty Pink and Mauve Hijab

This hijab look is sooooooo lovely. Pink and mauve go so well together. Mauve hijab undercap with rose back (also good to make a khaleeji bump without going out of your way to), and pretty pink hijab

Adorable Blog Award goes to...

Thank you Lisa and Desert Veil for awarding me this blog award. So I guess I have to pick out a rcent favourite blog... Hmmm:D

Precious Muslimah from reminds me to get back on track on my goal of memorising the Holy Qu'ran.

a yellow hijab with a butterfly brooch

I often wear my yellow hijab with my golden stone dragonfly brooch, just like this pic from Arab TV above. I love the look.